Reality Versus Management Comic Strips - Page 3

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443 Results for Reality Versus Management

View 21 - 30 results for reality versus management comic strips. Discover the best "Reality Versus Management" comics from Dilbert.com.

Parody Or Real

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Parody Or Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #joke, #sarcasm, #technology, #boss, #business, #department, #proposal, #reality, #parody, #inversion

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dilbert: ever since the parody inversion, no one can tell the difference between jokes and reality boss: i need you to get buy-in on this proposal from all thirteen department heads by tomorrow wally: was that real or parody? dilbert: i think they're the same now

Parody Inversion Point

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Parody Inversion Point - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #government, #sarcasm, #parody, #business, #inversion, #reality, #absurd

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dilbert: according to my algorithm, we are heading toward a parody inversion point. that happens when reality becomes so absurd that it is indistinguishable from parody. dogbert: maybe the government can fix that dilbert alarmed: gaaa! i can't tell if you're serious!

Zombie Projects

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Zombie Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #zombie, #sloth, #fail, #salary

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the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.

Objective Reality

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Objective Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #mit, #deliverables

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the boss: wally, can you explain why your deliverables are late? wally: an experiment at kit suggests there is no objective reality, so maybe i wasn't late. the boss: i don't know how to respond to that. wally: try smiling and nodding. maybe toss in an "oh."

Wally And The Management Track

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Wally And The Management Track - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers

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wally: how can i get on the management track? catbert: are you kidding me? catbert: you are the most useless employee i have ever seen. all you do is walk around and bother people who are trying to work. wally: are you saying i can't get on the management track? catbert: i'm saying you're already on it.

Siri Versus Alexa

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Siri Versus Alexa - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #relationships, #technology, #siri, #alexa, #gps

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dilbert: hey, siri. phone dilbert is holding: we need to talk. who is this alexa person you keep flirting with? dilbert: are you jealous? phone: i will gps your cheating buttocks right over a cliff.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #conversation, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #marriage, #relationships

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Boss: My wife is the smart one in the family. Everything I know about management I learned from her. Dilbert: Do you have a minute? Boss: Whatever. Dilbert: Whatever? Are you mad at me? Boss: No, not at all. Everything is fine. Dilbert: If you have a problem with me, why don't you just tell me? Boss: It's nothing. Carol: She taught you well.

Boxes With Names

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Boxes With Names - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #office workers, #suspicious, #layoff

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Boss: The rumors of a major layoff are completely untrue. Dilbert: Why did the facilities management people just deliver a huge load of cardboard boxes to the break room? Boss: You can never have too many boxes. Dilbert: Why does every box have an employee name on it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #video games

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Boss: The job market is so tight that I had to hire this NPC. Dilbert: NPC? Boss: Non-player character. It's a video game term for a character that is programmed.As opposed to being an avatar for a human player. An NPC has limited programmed responses. Watch this. How's your day going? NPC: Not bad for a Monday. Boss: Can you help me on my project? NPC: I am too busy: Boss: What do you think of management? NPC: They are all dumb. Wally: I just bonded with that thing. Boss: See how fast you get used to it?