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325 Results for Review 80 Million Lines

View 21 - 30 results for review 80 million lines comic strips. Discover the best "Review 80 Million Lines" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Writes Own Review

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Alice Writes Own Review - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm, #review

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Boss: I'm asking everyone to write their own performance reviews. Alice: "She shone like the light of a thousand suns." Boss: Slop some jargon on that and put a bow on it. Alice: Got it.

Write Your Own Review

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Write Your Own Review - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm

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Boss: I need you to write your own performance review for my signature. Dilbert: I'll sign it for you too. I see no reason for you to be involved. Boss: Put something in there about insubordination. Dilbert: Got it.

Keeping The Worthless People

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Keeping The Worthless People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence

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Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #line, #optimism, #idiocy, #cynicism, #realism, #will, #love, #dead, #working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.

Speaking Truth To Power

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Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power

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Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

We Need To Talk

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We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

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Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

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Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

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Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!

Brains In A River

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Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

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Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Optimal Meeting Density

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Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

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Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Sunk Costs

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Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #big business, #logic, #loss, #deception

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Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.