Small Vent Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

123 Results for Small Vent

View 21 - 30 results for small vent comic strips. Discover the best "Small Vent" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #calendars, #desk, #meails, #meetings, #padtes, #schdeules, #secretary, #coordinates

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #Family, #work from home, #2 days err week, #reduce carbon foorprint, #wife, #small children, #egg carton, #talking to moron, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #questioning, #wise garbageman, #powerpoint slides, #only delicious, #small does, #analogy, #works for flies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Wise garbage man, tell me why Powerpoint slides are so boring. Garbageman: Powerpoint is a lot like garbage. It's only delicious in small doses. Too much can kill you. Dilbert: That analogy only works for flies. Garbageman: Oooh. Look who thinks she's better than flies.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #libertarianism, #taxidermy, #critter, #con humans, #stuffed humans, #breathing humans, #two critter special

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I'd like a quote for taxidermy on this critter." Man says, "The law says I can't stuff humans, especially when they're still breathing." Man says, "But I believe in small government, so roll him to the back."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #air travel, #cash payment, #college freind, #cost & standard of living, #expensive, #friendship, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #envy, #exhibitions, #technology trade show, #so huge, #illusion, #great cup holder

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "What happened to you?" Dilbert says, "I went to a technology trade show." Dilbert says, "The event was so huge that it made me feel small. But it's just an illusion." Wally says, "For an illusion, you make a great cup holder." Dilbert says, "Dude. Not cool."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #surgery, #software server, #too confusing, #normal human, #comprehension, #cost eefective, #involve atorneys, #deal so small, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #eating & drinking, #lunchtime, #trivial decions, #lose faith, #humanity, #no hope, #vending machine, #fatasize, #competent coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Dilbert, would you like to join us for lunch?" Dilbert says, "Where are you going?" Man says, "We haven't decided." Dilbert says, "In that case, no." Dilbert says, "I can't stand watching a small group of people trying to make a trivial decision." Dilbert says, "It makes me lose all faith in humanity." Dilbert says, "Food doesn't taste as good when you have no hope." Dilbert says, "I'll just get somehting from the vending machine and fantasize that my co-workers are competent." Dilbert says, "Let's see... what goes well with an unrealistic worldview?"