Spit When Type Comic Strips - Page 3

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87 Results for Spit When Type

View 21 - 30 results for spit when type comic strips. Discover the best "Spit When Type" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient, #business

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Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #work, #task, #assignment, #excuses, #ridicule, #avoiding, #hopeless, #defeated, #annoyed, #complaining

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Dilbert says, "Could you make these changes in the database? It will only take five minutes."Man says, "Ooh, I don't know?" Dilbert says, "Wait!" Dilbert says, "Are you planning to spend ten minutes explaining why you don't have five minutes to do this task?" Dilbert says, "Or are you so incompetent that a five-minute task will take an hour?" Dilbert says, "Or are you limited by company policy because you're a feckless waste of carbon?" Dilbert says, "Or are you the agreeable but unorganized type who will say yes, lose my note, and forget who asked?" Man says, "I was planning to tell you this doesn't need to be done and refuse to change my position even after you give me good reasons." Dilbert says, "Experience is just another word for losing hope."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #salesman, #lying, #annoyed, #reading, #caught

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Man says, "Your order will only cost about $20,000." Dilbert says, "No it won't." Dilbert says, "We both know you're intentionally underestimating the true cost to get the sale, you lying sack of spit." Man says, "You're not supposed to say that out loud." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I imagine a bear attacking you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #dating, #flirting, #dinner, #afraid, #confused, #yelling, #relationships

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Woman says, "You're not my type. Why am I attracted to you? How did you do this, you monster!" Dilbert says, "In troubling economic times, my financial stability appeals to your survival instincts. It's basic evolution." Woman says, "Gaaa!!! That made me bored and aroused at the same time!" Dilbert says, "Science!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

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Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #anger, #firing, #frustration, #rudeness, #profits falling, #worthless sack of monkey spit, #birds ate brain, #regurgitate pellets

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The Boss says, "Ted, profits are falling. I have to downsize you." Ted says, "You worthless sack of monkey spit! I hope the birds that ate your brain regurgitate pellets down your neck!" Ted says, "I have lots more, but I don't want to burn any bridges."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #ergonomically correct, #evil director, #human services, #job perfomance, #chairs, #wellness related

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your job performance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2008's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #escape justice, #support group, #thrown out wondow, #injured, #casts, #bandages

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Dilbert says, "I need to find a support group for people who have my same problem." Dilbert says, "Type 'thrown out of a fifth floor window by a CEO who will escape justice.'" A man says, "look who doesn't have a broken leg. Do you think you're better than us?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #carpet fishing, #devised a game, #computer, #string, #randomly picks location, #hooked fish marlin, #salmon, #killing time, #technology

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Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2007's comic on:


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"Dilbert, do you have some time to help me with this technical analysis?" "Sure, if you'll go to my house and mow my lawn so this doesn't become a lopsided relationship." "Why must you be so difficult to abuse?" "Go spit in your socks."