Staff Cuts Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for staff cuts comic strips. Discover the best "Staff Cuts" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being freightened, #creepy vibe, #leadership, #obsolete, #public speaking, #sense of urgency, #thread the needle, #tech platforms

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Dogbert: You need to imbue your staff with a sense of urgency. Boss: Gaaa!!! Our technology platforms are obsolete! Dogbert: Try it again with less panic. Boss: We're doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried. Dogbert: That one had a creepy vibe. A sense of urgency is halfway between being too frightened to act and too dumb to know what to do. Boss: Gaaa!!! Duh!!! Dogbert: You didn't quite thread the needle. Boss: Here comes leadership!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #criticize, #enjoy anticipation, #fighting, #incented, #staff meeting

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Boss: I'm waiting for people to walk by so I can criticize you in front of others. Dilbert: What? Boss: I want the criticism to sting as much as possible so you'll be incented to do all the right things in the future. I guess it can wait until the staff meeting. Dilbert: That way I can enjoy the anticipation, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tax incentives, #capital investments, #pursue opportunities, #over burdened staff, #divert resocurces, #top priorities

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Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancel project, #office politics, #boss, #bald, #goatee, #children, #staff, #let off steam, #Family

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Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #talking, #meeting, #idea, #changing, #greed, #dangerous, #mean, #cruel, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We need to make our pricing plan more confusing." Dogbert says, "And change our packaging to that hard plastic that always cuts the consumes' hands." Dogbert says, "I've been in a bad mood since everyone started talking about capping my excessive pay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #explaining, #work, #progress, #ridiculous, #lazy, #business

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Wally says, "I didn't do any work this week because my project will probably be cancelled in the next budget cuts." The boss says, "Wally, I don't pay you to do nothing." Wally says, "I'm pretty sure you do." Wally says, "But I understand your confusion." Wally says, "I too was surprised by the first few years of getting paid to do nothing." Wally says, "In time, doing nothing becasme its own sort of challenge." Wally says, "I'm like a ninja with no hopes and dreams." The boss says, "Wally, set up a meeting with me later." Wally says, "I'll get right on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #e-mail, #money, #broke, #budget cuts, #cleaning, #toilet

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To all staff: We had to let our cleaning crew go for budget reasons. In a separate e-mail, I will explain our new 'Adopt a toilet' program. Dilbert says, "I have to be honest, Timmy. I don't see college in your future."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiations, #unfair, #greed, #money

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Dogbert the CEO man says, "The union will agree to deep cuts if you agree to work for one dollar per year." Dogbert says, "I agree, as long as I get my pay in advance and the mandatory retirement age is waived." Man says, "Fine." Dogbert says, "Call payroll and tell them to cut a check for my next ten billion years of service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget cut, #health, #bleak, #public, #poorly made prodcuts, #elevant, #organs, #still healthy, #black market

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After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #budget cut, #joke, #bleak, #budget cuts, #undead, #feast on flesh, #don't like light

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The boss: I realize things look bleak after the budget cuts. But remember it's always the darkest before the undead feast on your flesh. Because they don't like light. Dilbert: WE GET IT!!!