Turn Down Opportunity Comic Strips - Page 3
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735 Results for Turn Down Opportunity
View 21 - 30 results for turn down opportunity comic strips. Discover the best "Turn Down Opportunity" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday September 11,
2018
Resistance Is Futile
Tags #Dilbert, #invention, #thoughts, #computer, #commands, #individual, #part, #collective, #internet, #sexy, #resistance, #futile
Transcript
Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind. Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard. Dilbert:
Monday September 10,
2018
Device Can Read Minds
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.
Wednesday September 05,
2018
Candor Monster
Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster
Transcript
The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!
Sunday June 24,
2018
Tags #distraction, #procrastination, #work ethic, #excuses, #productivity
Transcript
Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags #consultant, #negotiation, #training, #irony, #obliviousness, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Sunday May 20,
2018
Tags #intelligence, #aspirations, #relationships, #betterment, #warren buffett
Transcript
Asok: Warren Buffett says you should spent time with people who are better than you. Alice: Why would people who are better than me be dumb enough to spend time with me? Asok: Well... I assume you have to find people who are better than you, but not smart enough to avoid you. Because, obviously, you'd be bringing down the average of anyone who was better than you. Which reminds me, I need to cut this meeting short to keep my average up. Dilbert: Maybe we can continue the meeting without him. Alice: That would only be good for you. I need to find better people. Dilbert: The meeting went downhill from there. Dogbert: Can you wrap this up? You're bringing down my average.
Monday May 07,
2018
Massive Data Breach
Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control
Transcript
Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.
Friday April 06,
2018
Elbonian Interference
Tags #hacker, #hacking, #trolls, #protest, #counter-protest, #obliviousness, #manipulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!
Thursday March 22,
2018
Unplugged Server
Tags #server, #obliviousness, #cell phone, #phone, #charging, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?
Sunday March 04,
2018
Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years
Transcript
Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.