Useful Work Comic Strips - Page 3
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boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data! dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data? boss: not really. dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data. boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis! dilbert: i think you're taking both sides of the same argument. you insist on using data, but you don't want to wait for data. boss: it's called leadership. you wouldn't understand. dilbert: oh, i think i do. boss: stop being such a mask hole.
dilbert wearing face mask: i ran the numbers, and your plan does not work under any reasonable set of assumptions. boss wearing face mask: have you tried "unreasonable assumptions?" dilbert: why would i do that? boss: well, to keep your job, for example.
vendor salesman: just fill out these five pages of information, and we're good to go. dilbert: no. cancel the order, and i'll find an easier vendor to work with. vendor salesman: in that case, all i need is your signature. dilbert: that worked? continued...
dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.
Dilbert: Do you have any emergencies for me to work on? Boss: I do. Dilbert: Perfect! I needed an excuse to avoid working on the boring parts of my job. Boss: I also need your status report by end of day. Dilbert: I would totally do that if not for this darned emergency.
Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.
Wally: My throat has a tickle, so I'd better take a month off of work. The coronavirus tests can have some false negatives, and I love you too much to put you at risk. Dilbert: Did it work? Wally: No, I sold it too hard.
dilbert thinking: i've had no human contact for months. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much. my love life was already a barren wasteland. and avoiding my co-workers is always good. i haven't been stressed, tired, or bored in weeks. i only have one remaining source of stress in my life. dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert dogbert: i'm printing money in the basement. dilbert: there it is.