5 Years Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

288 Results for 5 Years

View 21 - 30 results for 5 years comic strips. Discover the best "5 Years" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance appraisel, #four years, #starting documentation, #fire me later, #24 hours aday, #motivational

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, I'm almost done with your performance appraisal." Alice looks horrified and gasps. Alice turns her chair to face the Boss and says, "I haven't had an appraisal in four years. You must be starting a documentation trail so you can fire me later." Alice types wildly and yells, "I'LL WORK 24 HOURS A DAY!!" The Boss thinks, "That was way more motivational than I'd hoped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #years of rejection, #general disdain, #simian, #perfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice tells Wally and Dilbert, "I'm terrified about my performance review tomorrow." Alice continues, "Men have it easier. You've been conditioned by years of rejection and general disdain." Wally responds, "We're lucky that way." The Boss sits at his desk and reads a document to a male worker sitting across from him. The Boss says, "Overall, I rated your performance as 'simian.'" The worker responds, "Thanks!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #financial advisor, #living in dumpster, #twenty years, #dogcart deferred income, #own a mansion?, #photo of mansion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to a prospective client, "Here's a picture of you living in a dumpster in twenty years." Dogbert continues, "But if you invest in the 'Dogbert Deferred Income Fund' take a look at what you could own someday!!" The client says, "I could own a mansion?!!" Dogbert says, "You could own a photograph."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #party, #hat, #new years, #resolutions, #arm chair, #spirit, #short term, #tolerance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Put on you party hat, Dogbert. It's almost 1990. Do you have any new year's resolutions? Dogbert: A few... I resolve to show no tolerance for those less fortunate...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #avocados, #dispute, #cram, #chips, #nose, #cados, #years, #Dogbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I made a nice avacado dip for us, Dogbert." Dogbert sits on the hassock holding a bag of potato chips. He says, "I hate avacados." Dilbert sits in his chair and asks, "How do you know, if you haven't tried them?" Dogbert says, "How do you know you don't like cramming potato chips up your nose? YOU've never tried THAT." Dilbert replies, "Fair enough . . . I can't dispute your logic." Dilbert says, "If you try the dip, I'll cram potato chips up my nose." Dogbert says, "Deal." Dogbert tries the dip and says, "Hmm . . . Good." Dilbert stuffs chips up his nose and repeats, "Ouch . . . Ouch . . ." Dilbert says, "Id feelth aboud like I thoughd id would." Dogbert says, "I lied. I've liked avacados for years."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #farm, #kay, #clem, #bovinski, #location, #unexplained, #deep, #voice, #disturbances, #40 years, #objects, #explanation, #cut

View Transcript

Transcript

The strip is titled, "Dogbert's World of the Unexplained." Dogbert says, "I am at the farm of Kay and Clem Bovinski . . ." Dogbert walks up the front steps and continues, ". . . The location of unexplained phenomena." The caption says, "(Deep voice) The disturbances have lasted 40 years." The Bovinskis sit on their couch. Kay says, "Objects move all by themselves. Sometimes they hit Clem." Clem says, "I reckon it's poltergeist, no other explanation makes sense." A lamp hits Clem on the head. Clem lies on the floor and Kay sits on the couch looking suspicious. Dogbert says, "Cut."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Entertainment, #thanks, #babysit, #doggie bert, #bret, #impressionable, #years, #innocent, #adult, #nonsense, #parents, #space, #aliens, #eat, #slaughter, #house, #kindergarten, #change, #probably

View Transcript

Transcript

A man and woman say to Dogbert, "Thanks for agreeing to baby-sit, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "No sweat." A baby says, "Doggie-Bert!" Dogbert says, "Sit down, Bret." Dogbert and the infant sit on the floor. Dogbert says, "You're in your most innocent and impressionable years." Dogbert continues, "As an adult, it is my duty to fill your sponge-like brain with incredible nonsense for my own entertainment." Dogbert continues, "Your parents are really space aliens." The baby looks frightened. Dogbert continues, "They're just fattening you up so they can eat you!" Dogbert continues, "The slaughterhouse is a place they call kindergarten!!" The father hands Dogbert his money and says, "Thanks, Dogbert. Did you change him?" Dogbert replies, "Probably."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #award, #tim, #incredible accomplishments, #two years stonewalling, #hired

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "This award goes to Tim for his incredible accomplishment." The Boss hands Tim an award and says, "After two years of stonewalling all progress, Tim finally agreed to do the work for which he was hired." The Boss continues, "We look forward to working with Tim in the coming year." Tim says, "As if I'd have time for that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sign agreement, #5 year after, #Wally, #doesn't work anyway, #boss, #contract

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally reads a contract and asks, "You want me to sign an agreement that I won't work for a competitor for five years if I leave here?" The Boss hands him a pen. Wally says, "No problem. Here you go." The Boss thinks, "This is too easy." Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "I haven't done any work HERE for five years, so how hard could it be?" A computer prompt asks, "New game?"