50% Chance Comic Strips - Page 3

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113 Results for 50% Chance

View 21 - 30 results for 50% chance comic strips. Discover the best "50% Chance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #restaurants, #filling survey, #surveys, #guilty, #date, #dinner, #restaurant, #Food, #favorite restaurant, #romance, #waiter, #pick up waiter, #ruined, #relationships

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Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker

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Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #wealth, #ceo, #good job, #50 million dollar bonus, #not motivated, #bad genes, #inequality, #dosaprity, #ceo and worker, #unfair wages, #crazy money, #slave wages, #more work, #no rewards, #money

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Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #late for meeting, #reschedule, #10 minutes, #late

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Coworker: I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late for our 10:50 meeting. Wally: We'll have to reschedule because I have another meeting at eleven. Tina: Reschedule? I'm only ten minutes late! Wally: Tell that to my 11:10.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #jenny dworkin, #computer, #location, #contrived, #woman, #Women, #picking up

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Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctor, #Dilbert, #sale, #price, #discount, #cash, #ten, #days

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Dilbert sits on an examining table in a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Normally I'd give you six months to live." The physician continues, "But we're having a '50% off sale' today, so I'll give you a full year for the same price." Dilbert lies back on the table. The doctor says, "And you get an extra ten days if you pay cash!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frog, #Dogs, #Dogbert, #kiss, #princess, #props, #fool, #lady di, #margaritas, #Dilbert, #love, #witch

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The caption says, "Dilbert needs a kiss from a princess to remove the frog curse." Dilbert the Frog says to Dogbert, "It's hopeless . . ." Dogbert opens the closet door and says, "There's one chance, but we'll need some props." Dilbert is wearing a crown and a fake nose. Dilbert asks, "You seriously think this will fool Lady Di?" Dogbert replies, "I'd wait until she's had a few margaritas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #vital, #performance, #stupider, #project, #high visibility, #country, #salute, #janitors' strike

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #president, #united states, #charisma, #unify, #divided, #Political, #party, #democrat, #communist

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to run for President of the United States." Dogbert continues, "I'm hoping my charisma will unify a divided political party." Dilbert asks, "You're running as a Democrat?" Dogbert replies, "No, Communist. I want to have a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #engineer, #electronics, #devices, #techno bill, #cellular, #phone, #modem, #dial, #systems, #autodialing

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Dilbert says to another engineer with electronic devices strapped to his body, "Please don't hurt me, Techno-Bill!" Bill says, "Make your move." Dilbert thinks, "My only chance is to use my cellular phone and modem to dial into his control module and set off all his systems." Techno-Bill says as he presses a button on his cellular phone, "Fool! I have autodialing." Dilbert runs away screaming as the gadgets on his belt ring and beep.