Ability Comic Strips - Page 3

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27 Results for Ability

View 21 - 27 results for ability comic strips. Discover the best "Ability" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tv newsroom, switches off brain, abilities, science segment, film celebrities, rational decisions

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TV Newsroom Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that switches off the brain's ability to make rational decisions." Dilbert says, "I think it would make a good story for your science segment." Man says, "Or we could drug-dart celebrities and film what happens." Dilbert says, "For science, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interview, job, hanging, ridiculous, humiliation, business

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Dogbert says, "In your first round of interviews we tested your reaction to humiliation and small arms fire." Dogbert says, "In round two I will test your ability to keep company secrets." Ratbert says, "When are you going to tell him this is a courtesy interview?" Dilbert says, "What?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Your project came in 10% over budget." "Actually, it came in at exactly what I estimated." "You cut my budget by 10% because you wanted to feel like a leader." "I assume you'll give me a huge raise to reward my excellent estimating ability." "Why can't you be like Wally? His project budget was $10,000,000 and he only spent $147." "If you're so smart, explain that!" "That's hard to explain without using the phrase 'You gullible toad.'" "I'm next. What kind of mood is he in?" "Not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceo, worer, 40 million a year, 400 x worker pay, salary, disparity, golden egg, every ten minutes, money

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The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

Contradicting Himself

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Contradicting Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, managing, proof, body cam, camera, recording

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Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.

Captcha

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Captcha  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, application, app, robot, ability, evidence, explaination, moron, sense

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boss: gaaa! why can't i ever type the captcha letters correctly to get into this app? dilbert: your inability to prove you are not a robot is strong evidence that you are, in fact, a robot. boss: yes, that makes sense. dilbert: the other explanation is that you are a moron, and you know that isn't true, so...