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Dogbert the consultant says to the Boss, "I golf with your CEO." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can accidentally bean him with a golf ball." The Boss replies, "He always wears a helmet." Dogbert answers, "Not in the clubhouse."
The I.S. employee says to Noriko, "Well, I upgraded three things and I accidentally broke three things." The I.S. employee continues, "In I.S. terms, I came out ahead." Noriko responds, "Does my computer work?" The I.S. employee replies, "No, but if it did, it would be much faster."
Tags #passion for job, #ceo's visit, #meeting, #condescending, #rented mules, #intimidate, #corproartions, #afford luxury items, #ping pong table, #no raise, #offend, #belitte, #pay dosparity, #slavery, #business
CEO Visit CEO: "It's important that you have a passion for your job." "For example, my passion involves working you like rented mules so I can afford to purchase luxury items." "I bought a ping-pong table with the raise you didn't get."
The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."
The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."
Wally says, "I asked for a transfer to our missile guidance engineering division." Wally says, "Once they get to know me, they'll only give me unimportant tasks so I won't accidentally destroy a fishing village." Wally says, "The great thing about unimportant tasks is that no one really cares if you do them."
CEO says, "The media is on our back because we accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty. We need your P.R. advice." Dogbert says, "Did you take full responsibility and promise to clean up the harbor?" CEO says, "Ooh." Earlier that day CEO says, "Many of you don't know that the Statue of Liberty was very old... and made entirely of fish food."
Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"
Dilbert: The security audit accidentally locked all of the developers out of the system. The Boss: Well. It is what it is. Dilbert: How does that help? The Boss: You don't know what you don't know. Dilbert: Congratulations. You're the first human to fail the turing test. The Boss: What does that mean?Um... Dilbert: It is what it is? The Boss: Why didn't you say that in the first place?
Dilbert says, "I bought a new phone. It was only $50 after rebate." Dogbert says, "Uh-Oh." Dilbert says, "Let's see what the terms of the rebate?" Foom! Monster says, "I am rebaterus. You must pass five tests before your rebate will be authorized." Monster says, "You must wait 30 days without losing or accidentally discardin the rebate forms, the receipt, and the box." Monster says, "You must figure out which of the several unlabeled codes on the box is the real rebate code." Monster says, "You must write that code into a space desighned for a code half as long." Monster says, "Some numbers look like lettters." Dilbert says, "Just keep my money!!!" Monster says, "Dude, we spent it before you left the store."