Accurate Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

27 Results for Accurate

View 21 - 27 results for accurate comic strips. Discover the best "Accurate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults "You need a dashboard application to track your key metrics." "That way you'll have more data to ignore when you make your decisions based on company politics." "Will the data be accurate?" "Okay, let's pretend that matters."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, frankness, goals, honesty, managers, root cause, bad parenting, pointy headed boos, underlings, rapidly evolving nature, talented employee, boss life story

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

Engineer Touches Spreadsheet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer Touches Spreadsheet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags numbers, budget, obliviousness, approval, disease, contagious, managers, executives, accuracy, fantasy

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I approve this project based on your boss' spreadsheet calculations. His calculations must be accurate because an engineer handed them to me. Is that all you need? Dilbert: I need a hug, but I don't want to catch whatever caused all of this.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prognosticate, prediction, projection, budget, blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, suggestion, listening, conclusions, misunderstanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe you could remove a few slides to make your deck shorter. Man: So you're saying I should give up on trying to be persuasive? Dilbert: No, I"m saying it would be more persuasive if it were shorter. Man: So you're saying that having zero slides would be the most persuasive of all? Dilbert: No. I'm saying you have more slides than you need. Man: So you're saying people don't need accurate information as long as they don't have lots of slides? Dilbert:I'm not saying anything like that! Boss: Did Dilbert have any suggestions? Man: Just crazy ones.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, strategy, variables, forecast

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

Not Fair

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not Fair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work from home, fairness, power

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i hear we are not allowed to work from home because it doesn't satisfy your sick need to wield power over us in person. boss: that's not fair. tina: is it accurate? boss: let's stick with "not fair."