Actually Hitting Town Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says into the telephone, "That's right . . . cough-cough! . . . I won't be in to work . . . cough-wheeze-cough . . ." Dilbert continues, "Bad cold? Well, no, actually I have a bad headache . . ." Dilbert continues, "But I don't know how to make a headache sound over the phone."
The caption says, "Bob and Dawn join Dogbert's cult." Dogbert says to Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs, "You two are in charge of security." Dogbert continues, "Your job is to neutralize anybody who questions my motives." Dawn says, "Actually, we have some questions of our own . . ." Dawn asks, "Or should we just neutralize ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "Make it look like an accident."
Geraldo Rivera holds a microphone and says, "Today on 'Geraldo' our entire show is about a dog who started his own cult!" Dogbert says into the microphone, "Actually, Geraldo, I don't know what you're talking about." Geraldo faces the camera and smiles. Dogbert says, "I love live television."
Dilbert lies on a couch and a therapist sits next to him taking notes. Dilbert says, ". . . And I've had this irrational love for hardware stores as long as I can remember." Dilbert continues, "I mean . . I LOVE them. I ACTUALLY love them. You gotta help me, doc." The psychiatrist says, "I've heard of this . . . I think the literature refers to it as 'a stupid guy-thing.'"
Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Don't worry. If it's true that an impostor is trying to steal your job, I'll get rid of him at once." Dilbert points at a man with an eyepatch, a mohawk haircut and clothes like Dilbert's. Dilbert says, "There he is! And he doesn't even look like me!" The robber replies, "I finished the report." Dilbert says, "There's only room for one Dilbert!!" The Boss reads the report and says, "But this one actually produced something . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a stone wall looking at the stars. Dogbert says, "No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there." Dilbert says, "Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth." Dogbert says, "Thank you for shattering my comfortable misconception." Dilbert says, "It's the miracle of science."
Dogbert says to a man walking toward him on the sidewalk, "Hey, mister, why are you so glum?" The man replies, "I've lost face at my job . . ." Dogbert says, "You'll get over it." The man says, "You don't understand . . . I'm a plastic surgeon . . . I actually lost somebody's face." Dogbert says, "Bummer."
Dilbert sits in a chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "Our town hasn't had a murder since 1957." The caption says, "Definition of an optimist." Dilbert thinks, "We're safe forever." The caption says, "Definition of a pessimist." Dogbert thinks, "We're due."
A man says to George Lucas, "There's a dog here to see you, sir. He may be on to our operation." Lucas asks Dogbert, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I came to find out if the news on television is all faked by your special effects company." Lucas and Dogbert sit at a table. Lucas says, "Actually, we don't do ALL of the news here. We had to sub-contract the Dan Quayle stuff to the Muppets." Dogbert says, "I knew that."