Bad Career Advice Comic Strips - Page 3
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Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #legal, #department, #corporate, #lawyer, #trial, #judge, #position, #unglamorous, #consequently, #bad, #attitude, #approve, #sued, #trouble, #month, #nromally, #reject, #lawsuit
The Boss tells Dilbert, "Before I read your proposal, run it past our legal department." Dilbert groans. The Boss thinks, "That's the end of that." A lawyer tells Dilbert, "I didn't have to become a corporate lawyer. I could be a trial lawyer or a judge, you know." The attorney continues, "But I chose to work here at this unglamorous position." The man continues, "Consequently, I have a bad attitude and I'm going to take it out on you." The lawyer says, "Your proposal does noting to help MY career. And if I approve it and we get sued later, then I'll get in trouble." The lawyer continues, "In a month or so, I'll formally reject your idea with a neatly typed but oddly worded memo." The Boss asks, "Did he reject your proposal yet?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah. And he filed a lawsuit against me."
Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to an Elbonian, "Excuse me. My boss is cheap; can you direct me to a bad hotel?" The Elbonian responds, "I recommend the Bubonic Inn. It is so bad they will pay you to stay there." The man behind the hotel counter looks like a skeleton and has a rat on his head. The man says, "What kind of fleas do you want in your mattress?" Dilbert replies, "Lazy ones."
Ratbert: You'd be happier if you renounced your addiction to the internet and lived for the moment. Dilbert: Are you referring to the moment when there's a rat on my bed giving me bad advice? RatBert: How about now?" Dilbert: Perfect. Don't chew on the wi-fi signal booster.
Coworker says, "Would you like my opinion on how you should handle that?" Dilbert says, "Sure, I'll just try to ignore the fact that your entire career has been a colorful tapestry of bad decisions." Coworker says, "So? yes?" Dilbert says, "I admire your consistency."
Dilbert says, "I have no project of my own, so I wander the cubicles offering unsolicited advice." Dilbert says, "Speaking of which, you should put a little extra thought into your cooling system design. It looks monkey-made." Dilbert says, "I'm discovering that honest and helpful are a bad combination."
Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular
Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."
Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.
CEO: I've been mentoring Wally for over a week and he's still useless. But we need to promote him to Vice President so it looks as if my mentoring works. Catbert: That might be a bad idea in the long run. CEO: What is this "long run" people keep harping about?
Tina: I feel as if my career has stalled. Dilbert: Have you tried leaning-in? I hear good things about that. Tina: How do you sound helpful and offensive at the same time? Dilbert: Some say I have a gift.