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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #curiosity, #information, #secret, #Dilbert, #meeting, #brief, #companys, #policy, #locked, #night, #great, #value, #competitors, #companies, #pay, #annual, #salary, #best, #work

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Dilbert stands at the front of a conference room. He says, "I've been asked to brief everybody on the company's policy for protecting secret information." Dilbert continues, "All secret information must be locked up at night." Dilbert continues, "Our secrets could be of great value to our competitors." Dilbert continues, "In fact, some companies try to buy the secrets of their competitors." A woman asks, "Just out of curiosity, how much would our competitors pay for our secrets?" Dilbert replies, "Oh, I dunno . . . Maybe several times your annual salary." The people at the table smirk at each other. Dilbert thinks, "I don't think this was some of my best work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #project delays, #piece of deadwood, #contributor, #waiting for information

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Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I have discovered the cause of your project delays." Dogbert continues, "Somebody in this room is a piece of deadwood pretending to be a contributor!" Dogbert points his tail at a piece of wood in a dress and shouts, "It is you!" The deadwood says, "Hey, I made some calls and I'm waiting for information!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #access, #due dilogence, #information, #maniacal laughter, #merger, #phase, #proprietary

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The Boss sits across from two men from the buying company who are sitting on a couch. One man says, "In the 'due diligence' phase of our merger you will give us access to all of your proprietary information." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that let you know how to crush us competitively? Couldn't you cancel the merger and take our customers without paying a cent?" As the two men struggle to control themselves, they think, "Must . . . contain maniacal . . . laugh . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1996's comic on:


Tags #alternatives, #analysis, #coworker not boss, #information, #urgent need, #analysis of alternatives, #science

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A man enters Dilbert's cubicle, hands him a document and says, "I need this information today. Plus a complete analysis of the alternatives." Dilbert crinkles the paper and stuffs it in the wastebasket. The man says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert responds, "In today's lesson, you learn that you're my co-worker, not my boss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #calculated, #total time, #humans wait, #web pages, #information age, #big plot, #web is plot, #normal society

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Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert says, "I calculated the total time that humans have waited for Web pages to load . . ." Dilbert continues, "It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age." Dilbert says, "Sometimes I think the Web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, he's on to me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #withdraw, #dollars, #account, #Number, #bank, #concept

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Dilbert approaches the Bank of Ethel and sees a sign that says "Now a secret Swiss bank." Dilbert says to a teller, "I'd like to withdraw two hundred dollars." The woman asks, "What's your secret Swiss account number?" Dilbert replies, "I don't have a secret account. It's just a regular account." The teller says, "Wrong. I changed all of the accounts into secret Swiss accounts." Dilbert says, "Oh, okay. What's my secret account number?" The woman replies, "It's a secret." Dilbert asks, "Then how do I get my money out?" The teller says, "You're a bit slow in grasping the concept here." Dilbert says, "Okay, okay. I'll just open a new account." The teller asks, "Do you hav eany previous banking references?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #blowing off idiots, #information, #web page, #misunderstood

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Dilbert sits at his computer. Dogbert walks up and says, "I have a new method for blowing off the idiots who ask questions." Dogbert waves his tiny armsi in the air and says, "I say, 'That information ison my web page. Shoo, shoo." Dilbert asks, "What happens when they find out it isn't?" Dogbert replies, "I'll say, 'You must have misunderstood your question.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1997's comic on:


Tags #ignorant employees, #controls information, #board of directors, #appointed emperor, #escape key

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Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1997's comic on:


Tags #information technology dept, #jordan the preventer, #request for service, #resource shortages, #reverse psychology

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Alice sits at her computer, behind her is Mordac. He says, "I am Mordac the Preventer, your liason from the information technology department." Mordac says, "I come with tales of resource shortages. Your request for our services has been denied." Alice stands up and is much taller than Mordac. She says, "I didn't request any of your services." Mordac replies, "Don't try your reverse psychology on me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #many fcators, #Features, #usage, #secret pact, #useful information, #gave information

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Dilbert says, "...Well, that depends on many factors involving features and usage." A marketing guy glares. The marketing guy says, "Do you engineers have a secret pact to withhold all useful information? you haven't answered one question and it's already... um..." Dilbert says, "Two o'clock." At the lunch table, Alice and Wally grill Dilbert. Wally says, "We hear you gave information to marketing." Dilbert sweats, "Just the time of day. He would have found out anyway!!"