Better Job Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for better job comic strips. Discover the best "Better Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, suspicion, features for product, overstaffed, spare time, job description, healthy raise, highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, move to big building, regular job, so unimprotant, won't be missed, work on something, month, business

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The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, unemployed, job performance, fire someone, cubicle, fired, wake up call, greatness, business

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Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dimly lit cucbicle, carpal tunnel, crippled, last job, coal miner, gas explosion, new cubcile, canary

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"I guess it's time to go back to my dimly lit cubicle and see if my carpal tunnel has crippled me yet." "This is a lot like my last job as a coal miner, but without the threat of a gas explosion." "I'm moving you to a new cubicle over by Wally." "Better get a canary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no downsizing, job is safe, quality good news, going downhill

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The Boss says to Wally, "Good news, Wally. Most of our smart employees quit to get much better jobs elsewhere. Now we don't have to do any downsizing." The Boss continues, "Your job is safe. We need you to do the work of all the people who left." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Is it just me . . . or is the quality of 'good news' really going downhill lately?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say you're both going downhill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr director, abuse people, reduce turnover, job titles, convicted felon

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Catbert, the Evil H.R. Director, sits at his desk. He thinks, "I can't abuse people if they quit the company. I'd better find a way to reduce turnover." Catbert types into his PC, "All job titles will be changed as follows..." Wally stares at his computer screen and says, "My new title is... "Convicted Felon." Dilbert says, "That's look good on the ol' resume."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags phil, prince insufficient light, spreme ruler, hideous fates sins, high pay, eternal poverty, useful, appreciated, current job, telecommuting

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Phil the Ruler of Heck watches Dilbert and thinks, "My next victim." Phil says, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and Supreme Ruler of Heck!!" Dilbert sits at his desk and replies, "Hi, Phil." Phil says, "You must choose one of these two hideous fates to pay for your sins." Phil continues, "You can choose eternal high pay, but all of your work will be burned in front of you at the end of each day . . ." Phil continues, "Or you can choose eternal poverty, but your work will be useful and appreciated." Dilbert says, "WOW! They're BOTH better than my current job!" Dilbert says, "Hey, Wally, you might want to get in on this!" Wally confesses, "I watch tv when I'm supposed to be telecommuting." Phil thinks, "I hate the nineties." Dilbert waves his hand and says, "Do me first!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job market, bad job market, how hard, unemployed, leader

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and asks, "How's the ol' job market lately? It's pretty bad, isn't it?" The Boss continues, "So no matter how hard I make you work it's still better than being unemployed." Dilbert turns in surprise. The Boss says, "Who's your leader? Go on, say it." Dilbert puts his head in his hands and replies quietly, "You are."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags finish project, on time, geta better boss, better project, weeks of confsuion, no work, less work, morale up

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The Boss sits at the conference table and says, "If you don't finish the project on time, I'll probably lose my job." Asok the Intern asks, "What would happen to us?" Dilbert answers, "We would get a better boss." Wally continues, "We might get a better project too!" Alice goes on, "There would be weeks of confusion with no work at all!" Everyone shouts, "YAY!!" Alice holds her hands close to her chest and says, "It's all ours if we simply do less work!" Alice says, "Whoo! I've never felt my morale go up before. I'm dizzy." The Boss looks at his paper and curses, "#$%^$#!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags best, hire back, not old job, sales, train you to lie, worst, desparate, take anything, need money, job, take advantage of, business

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Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."