Bottom Dollar Comic Strips - Page 3

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79 Results for Bottom Dollar

View 21 - 30 results for bottom dollar comic strips. Discover the best "Bottom Dollar" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2005's comic on:


Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hard day, #meeting with ceo, #billion dollar comapny, #free stock, #cash fow, #revenue, #disaster events, #tragic evenets, #slpping, #fear induced meeting

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Dilbert: Im taking my business case too some venture capitalists. Im hoping that their wisdom and resources will make it a billion dollar company. Dilbert: Would you like some free stock? Dogbert: BAH! Dilbert: What would I do without the support of my loved one? CEO: What would the cash flow look like if.... ....Revenue was zero, microsoft and IBM entered the market , your factory burned down and a piano fell on your head? And what about civil unrest, lawsuits, natural disasters and locusts? Dilbert: ...Then the little one slapped me. Dogbert: Now RE_E_EL them in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #wounds & injuries, #black eye, #blanket, #billon dollar, #tech decsions

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Dilbert: How'd you bet the black eye? Boss: I was pulling up my blanket in bed. My hand slipped and I punched myself in the face. Dilbert: Okay, let's make some billion-dollar technology decisions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #rich people, #wages, #ceo lifestyle, #yacht, #penthouse, #estate, #priceless art, #million dollar watch, #money

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Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #thinking, #product ideas, #billion dollar ideas, #unwilling, #corporation, #dumb person idea, #pretend, #drone that attacks, #wooden screen phone

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Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #executives, #ignorance, #money, #powerpoint, #project unicron, #progress, #style, #substitute for subsatnce, #worker bee, #executives rspond, #clouds, #dollar signs, #slow clap

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Boss: Make a PowerPoint deck showing our progress on Project Unicorn. Dilbert: There hasn't been any progress. Boss: That's okay. Use a large font. Dilbert: Style is not a substitute for substance. Boss: You're thinking like a worker bee. There's no time for substance when you're at the top. Executives only respond to familiar colors and shapes. Clouds, dollar signs... that sort of thing. Dilbert: ...and in conclusion. Boss: Come on slow clap.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #blackmail, #morality, #morals, #angel investor, #pantless, #drunk, #photos, #phone camera, #million dollar seed investment, #tie score

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Alice: I met with that angel investor at his house and he answered the door pantsless and drunk. So I snapped a few photos with my phone and secured a million-dollar seed investment. Was that wrong? Dilbert: Let's call it a tie.

Fire The Bottom Ten Percent

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Fire The Bottom Ten Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #rank, #hierarchy, #value, #fired, #termination, #layoff, #logic, #executives

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CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

Problem With The System

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Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #fired, #bottom, #firing, #termination, #layoff, #hierarchy, #logic, #illogical, #executives

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Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.