Called Resources Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

461 Results for Called Resources

View 21 - 30 results for called resources comic strips. Discover the best "Called Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #specially trained, #wasted resources, #project, #behind schedule, #manager, #done playing around

View Transcript

Transcript

The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cafeteria, #Catbert, #human resources, #labeling entrees, #life threatening, #red lump, #health care, #evil director, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cat likes petting, #Catbert, #company resources, #evil, #hr director, #pet cat, #soft furry belly, #ugly incident

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unpaid overtime, #immoral, #quality of life, #designed stockholder value, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dircetor, #boss didn't see struggle, #low performance, #alice, #human resources binder, #downsize

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits across from Catbert's desk. She says, "I was so good at my job that I never needed to bother my boss, but he gave me a low rating because he didn't see me struggling." Catbert replies, "I must refer to my human resources binders to see how to deal with this." Catbert looks at a bookcase filled with binders. Most of the binders are labeled "Downsize" and a few are labeled "Hire Losers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #let me telecommute, #called in sick, #total days off, #working for nothing, #ahead in principle, #stupidity is principle

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demeaning insulting, #director, #human resources, #learned helplessness, #managerial influence, #new job title, #new card, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert waves his arms angrily and says, 'Our new job titles from human resources are demeaing and insulting!" Dilbert stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "You've got to use your managerial influence to do something!" The Boss holds a business card and says, "My new card..." Wally stands at his cubicle and asks, "How'd it go?" Dilbert replies, "I don't expect much help from the "Director of Learned Helplessness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally the role model, #art sarcasm, #bosses own word, #disciplined for insubordination, #lips, #resources, #adding value, #would be delighted

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Asok, "There's an art to sarcasm, Asok." Wally says, "If you use your boss's own words, you can't be disciplined for insubordination." Wally points to his puckered lips and says, "And do this with your lips." At a meeting, Asok puckers his lips and says to The Boss, "Today I focused my resources on adding value to the product process. Our shareholders would be delighted to know that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rag man, #project luser, #budget cuts, #beg for resources, #pencil shavings, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I'm the Rag Man from Project Luser." Rag Man says, "Budget cuts have hit our project hard. I'm forced to beg for resources." Dilbert holds out something and says, "I can spare some pencil shavings." Rag Man says, "Excellent! We make coffee out of that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #underfunded porject, #resources, #intern, #sponge bath, #water fountain, #employees, #budget diffrences, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Rag Man thinks, "I hate being on an underfunded project." Alice walks by with some guy. Rag Man asks, "Can you spare some resources, lady? How about that intern? Are you using him?" Rag Man shows intern, "First you have to learn how to give yourself a sponge bath at the water fountain."