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During a meeting, The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, put together a team to decide who'll be on the strategy council." Dilbert responds, "You want me to form a committee to create a committee that will produce a document that will be ignored?" The Boss answers, "No, it's a team to create a council." Wally raises his hand and asks, "Can I be on the team that ignores the document?"
Headline: The Short-timer. The Boss says to the short-timer, "You're retiring soon, so you can give me honest feedback." The short-timer responds, "Wouldn't that be harder than doing absolutely nothing?" The short-timer continues, "How about if I create the illusion of listening while I fantasize about fishing?" The Boss responds, "Good enough."
Dilbert is fixing a contraption on the table. He says to Dogbert, "My magnetic- cancellation wheel will create unlimited free energy." Dogbert 's ears fly up and he exclaims, "Buwahaha!!! I will use this technology to rule the world!!!" Dilbert replies, "Um.. It's not yours." Dogbert asks, "What time are you going to bed?"
The Boss: Our company is going to make antivirus software. What's that tell you? CatBert: It tells me we'll secretly create viruses that can be detected only by our software. Catbert: Am I close? The Boss: You're spooky.
Dilbert: The smokers in this building take hundreds of trips outside to smoke everyday. We can harness that kinetic energy to create electricity ti power their unused computers. pant pant too much slope
DOGBERT CONSULTS Dogbert: "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." wally: "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" Dogbert: "There's one big difference." wally: "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" dogcart: "I like to think disruptively innovative."
Loud Howard: This shadowy guy is from an unnamed government agency!!! He wants us to create a computer virus to attach Elbonian missile factories!!! Dilbert: Is he from our government, Loud Howard? Loud Howard: Is that important?
Our new product is a cable that doesn't attach to anything. "We hope to create demand via a series of commercials showing young people dancing." "And then we'll all go straight to hell." "He didn't take the last round of budget cuts well."
The Boss: Why did you add this button to the user interface? Dilbert: You told me to. The boss: Why would I tell you that? Dilbert: You always suggest random changes to create the illusion of adding value. The Boss: Well, remove that button. Dilbert: It's only on your copy."