Create Entire Universe Comic Strips - Page 3

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307 Results for Create Entire Universe

View 21 - 30 results for create entire universe comic strips. Discover the best "Create Entire Universe" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #complicated, #create chart, #decision process, #plan, #question, #talking about chart, #wasting money

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"This chart shows the decision process we're using for my project." "Here we're wasting money. Then someone said, 'hey, let's create a complicated chart.' Now we're at this meeting, talking about the chart." "I have a question." "Great...there goes the plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1994's comic on:


Tags #iso 9000 certfication, #create boring, #poorly written document, #big binder, #copies to dept. heads, #dead racoon

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Dilbert puts a transparency on an overhead projector and says, "Here's the basic plan for getting our 'ISO 9000' certification." Dilbert points at the diagram and continues, "Each of you will create an insanely boring, poorly written document. I'll combine them into one big honkin' binder." Dilbert points to a picture of a man passing a binder to another man and continues, "I'll send copies to all department heads for comment. They will treat it like a dead raccoon and route it to the first passerby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #disoriented, #entire career, #environmental hazards, #feeling tired, #nervous, #run for exit

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A man wearing a mask and goggles and holding some equipment says, "I'm checking the building for environmental hazards." The man holds up an instrument and asks, "Have you been feeling tired, nervous and disoriented?" Dilbert says, "You just described my entire career." The man says, "If you start feeling good, run for the exit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #entire computer, #silicon chip, #ate computer, #cyborg

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Dilbert is seated at his desk and Ratbert stands on the desk beside him. Dilbert shows Ratbert something in his palm and says, "Look Ratbert. An entire computer has been baked into one silicon chip." Ratbert grabs the chip and eats it, saying, "Thanks! I don't mind if I do!" Dilbert says angrily, "You ate my computer!" Ratbert holds his arms out straight, stares ahead and replies, "I'm a cyborg."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #create illusion, #work long hours, #voice mails, #Dilbert, #in underwear, #obscene message, #group code

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Dogbert hands Dilbert the phone and says, "You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m." Dilbert says into the phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert. It's 4 a.m. and I'm in my underwear and I thought of you . . .Oops . . . Erase . . . Oops . . ." As he presses the buttons on the phone it makes beeping noises. Dogbert's ears stand up in astonishment. Dogbert asks, "Did you just send an obscene message to your boss?" Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "No . . . I think I hit the group code."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 1995's comic on:


Tags #told stan, #marketing, #dna, #gullibility, #reverse process, #entire reality, #unverified, #anecdotes, #rumour, #alleged focus group, #becoming weasel, #business

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I jokingly told Stan in marketing that I reprogrammed his DNA. He's so gullible that he's actually changing!" Dogbert suggests, "You must use his gullibility to reverse the process. Remember, his entire reality is shaped by unverified customer anecdotes." Dilbert tells Stan, "I heard a rumor of a story of an alleged focus group where a quote taken out of context indicates you're not becoming a weasel." Stan says, "I'm not?! Yipeee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #same task, #other people, #clever ploy, #create healthy internal competition, #average cauliflower, #brain, #fruit kingdom

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Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I have a bet about why you assigned me to the same task as three other people." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's a clever ploy to create healthy internal competition. Wally thinks you're just dumber than the average cauliflower." The Boss says, "May I point out that cauliflower is the brain of the fruit kingdom." Wally looks at Dilbert and says, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #universe, #parallel universe, #vincent van gogh, #ear, #beliefs

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on his legs. Dogbert asks, "Did I ever tell you what dogs believe about the universe?" Dogbert explains, "We believe in infinite parallel universes, all slightly different." Dogbert continues, "For example, in our universe, Vincent Van Gogh cut his ear off to demonstrate his love for a woman." Dogbert continues, "But, in a parallel universe, Van Gogh loses the ear in a tragic toe-nail clipping accident . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . Vinnie clips the nail, and it just goes flyin' up and rips his ear clean off." Dilbert says, "In yet another universe, maybe he had a dog who talked his ear off." Dogbert replies, "This is why dogs rarely discuss their beliefs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #universe, #revealed, #meditate, #secrets, #mind, #thoughts, #meditating, #stopping, #eastern, #Religion

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Dogbert sits on a cliff with a wise man. The wise man says, "The secrets of the universe will be revealed if you meditate." Dogbert asks, "Can't you just tell me the secrets?" The sage replies, "To meditate you must clear your mind of all thoughts." Dogbert asks, "If I have no thoughts how will I know if I'm meditating?" Dogbert continues, "And how do I come out of it? I won't be able to think about stopping." Dogbert continues, "And shouldn't stupid people be the best meditators of all?" The wise man says, "Perhaps you are not ready." Dogbert replies, "Perhaps you should spend more time with some thoughts."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people

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Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."