Criminal Acts Comic Strips - Page 3

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36 Results for Criminal Acts

View 21 - 30 results for criminal acts comic strips. Discover the best "Criminal Acts" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1989's comic on:


Tags #criminals, #election, #meeting, #window, #business

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, who is wearing a sash and carrying a flashlight, "I still think it's dumb to elect the only known criminal around as leader of the neighborhood crime watch." Dilbert responds, "Maybe 'Bad Ed' has changed." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert reads the note on the brick and says, "It's from Ed. 'Next meeting: Tuesday at 8:00 P.M.'" Dogbert says, "I can't wait for the newsletter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #editorial, #congressmen, #illegal, #criminals

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "Here's an interesting editorial . . ." Dilbert continues, "This guy says we should increase the pay of congressmen to remove incentive for them to engage in illegal acts." Dogbert says, "By that theory, criminals aren't bad, just underpaid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #garbageman, #security guard, #stealing

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A security guard says, "Have a nice night, Dilbert." The guard continues, "You can rest easy knowing I'll be guarding the building all night." The security guard continues, "To a criminal, this place must look like a big ol' shopping mall." The guard continues, "The cubicles are like little stores, each with it's own selection of quality merchandise." The guard continues, "If you knew where to look, you could get picture frames, postage stamps, clocks, and even footwear." Dilbert replies, "Oddly enough, you and the janitor are the only ones here at night, and yet my snack drawer keeps getting emptied." The security guard looks guilty and says, "It's totally inexplicable. Well, good night." The janitor asks the guard, "Shall we head over to 'Chez Dilbert'?" The security guard replies, "Later . . . There's a sale at 'Wally's Shoe World.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss acts bull, #fast, #pointy haired, #rodeo clown, #woo hoo, #taunts boss, #employee, #new hire

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The rodeo clown runs after the boss and says, "wah-wah! Woo-Woo!" The rodeo clown sticks his tongue out and waves his hands around. The boss snorts and charges like a bull, his hair like horns. The rodeo clown pulls himself out of the way using a cubicle wall. Wally and Dilbert watch over the walls of thier cubicle. Dilbert says, "Just as I suspected, the new guy is a rodeo clown." Wally says, "he's fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1999's comic on:


Tags #assertive men, #woman, #b word, #boxer, #bitch, #fist of death, #fist in face

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Alice has a man stuck on her hand post fist of death. The boss says, "Alilce, it's okay for men to be assertive, but when a woman acts that way..." The boss says, "Well, it's the "b" word." Alice says, "Boxer?" The boss says, "O-o-okay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #woman, #peeved questions, #hostile, #personality disorder, #critical, #mean, #nasty

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The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet a woman who acts peeved at any sort of question." Dilbert extends his hand and asks, "How are you?" The woman opens one eye very widely, "Poink." The woman exclaims, with one eye wide open and the other closed, "How am I???" Dilbert responds, "Wow. I gotta show this to Wally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #boost revenues, #offshore, #subsidary, #lie to media, #criminal activity, #gag a rat, #corruption

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Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob the Dinosaur are meeting. Dogbert says, "We'll artificially boost revenues by selling to our own offshore subsidiary." Dogbert continues, "Then we'll book our expenses to capital, lie to the media about our prospects, bribe an industry analyst, and cash out!" Ratbert grabs his own throat and gags, "Aak, Aak, Aak." Dogbert says, "I know I'm doing something right when my business practices gag a rat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #head hunter, #ceo section, #resume, #re word, #less criminal sounding, #more honest, #plundered

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Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert is meeting with a client. He says, "We'll need to reword the CEO section of your resume." Dogbert continues, "For example, there's never a right time to use the word 'plundered.'" Dogbert continues, "And instead of 'suckers ignored our P/E ratio,' say you 'enhanced stockholder value.'" The client replies, "Wow. You're good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #antivirus software, #secretly create viruses, #detected by software, #spooky, #underhanded, #sneaky, #criminal

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The Boss: Our company is going to make antivirus software. What's that tell you? CatBert: It tells me we'll secretly create viruses that can be detected only by our software. Catbert: Am I close? The Boss: You're spooky.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #admitting, #criminal, #offer, #bribery, #accepting

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Wally says, "This week I sold company secrets, did some insider trading, and took kickbacks from vendors." Wally says, "I'll give you a taste if you look the other way." Zip! Dilbert says, "That's unsettling."