Cruel Twist Fate Comic Strips - Page 3
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50 Results for Cruel Twist Fate
View 21 - 30 results for cruel twist fate comic strips. Discover the best "Cruel Twist Fate" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 30,
2009
Tags #interview, #hiring, #policy, #cruelty
Transcript
the boss says, "You're hired, but company policy requires me to post the job opening internally before it's official." Man says, "Are you saying your company policy requires you to lie to employees and give them false hope?" The boss says, "Exactly." Man says,. "That's cruel." The boss says, "In six months you'll wish you had some false hope too."
Tuesday March 31,
2009
Tags #new employee, #annoying, #frustrated, #cruel
Transcript
The boss says, "I hired a woman who laughs too much." Woman says, "Ha ha ha ha ha!" The boss says, "She'll be in the cubicle next to yours." Woman says, "Wa-ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says, "I no longer worry about life passing too quickly."
Wednesday April 01,
2009
Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling
Transcript
The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"
Wednesday April 08,
2009
Tags #office, #poster, #cheap, #cruel, #mena, #cannibalism, #reading
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO The boss says, "The new motivational posers are in." the boss says, "As you requested, I bought the least expensive ones." Dogbert says, "Excuse me while I stretch my wagger." If all else fails?your coworkers are edible
Monday April 13,
2009
Tags #economy, #fear, #policies, #evil, #cruel
Transcript
Catbert says, "The employees are scared shirtless about losing their jobs." Catbert says, "This is a good time to cut their benefits and roll out some Draconian corporate policies." Dilbert says, "'In the event of a bomb threat, the employees are expected to shield the servers with their bodies.'" Wally says, "I miss my shirt."
Saturday April 18,
2009
Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."
Monday April 27,
2009
Tags #therapist, #imagination, #prank, #lying down, #cruel, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm
Saturday May 16,
2009
Tags #carrying, #downsizing, #cruel, #dying, #walking, #Sports
Transcript
Catbert says, "We can save the most money by downsizing the unhealthiest workers first." The boss says, "How do we know who they are?" Catbert says, "We'll close the parking lot that's nearest the building." Asok says, "Should we help them?" Wally says, "It's too late for broccoli."
Friday June 05,
2009
Tags #meeting, #boss, #raising, #hands, #cruel, #threat, #business
Transcript
Ratbert: VP of sales Ratbert says, "I'm accompanying Humphrey on this sales call so he can learn from the master." Ratbert says, "I'll begin by giving you something, thus triggering your need to reciprocate." Ratbert says, "Who wants to hit Humphrey with a shovel?"
Wednesday June 10,
2009
Tags #layoffs, #fired, #surprised, #mean, #cruel, #reading
Transcript
the boss says, "Ted, business is slow, and I have to let you go." The boss says, "But I already did your performance review so I thought you might benefit from constructive feedback." Ted says, "'You're like a blister on a skunk's colon.'" The boss says, "A tiny one."