Customer Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
216 Results for Customer
View 21 - 30 results for customer comic strips. Discover the best "Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday January 30,
1999
Tags biggest customer, missed deadline, overnight mail, evil and lazy, bonus effort, second guess
Transcript
The boss says, to Alice, "Alice, we lost our biggest customer because you missed the R.F.Q. deadline." Alice says, "That's because YOU said all overnight mail must go through your evil and lazy secretary." Alice says, "So you're probably going to apologize and give me a bonus for my effort." the boss says, "What's your second guess?"
Thursday August 19,
1999
Tags customer, appreciation, celebration, thanks goodness, idiots, joke
Transcript
Alice stands behind Asok who work at his computer. Alice says, "Asok, you've been chosen to head our customer appreciation celebration." Alice says, "The theme is "Thank Goodness there are so many idiots." Dilbert, Wally and Alice eat lunch. Dilbert says, "When do you plan to tell him it's a joke?" Alice says, "Let's see how the posters turn out."
Monday November 01,
1999
Tags call center, customer questions, working conditions, inhumane, innocent employees
Transcript
The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.
Wednesday November 03,
1999
Tags designing call center, eployees, bathroom breaks, tiny cubicles, monitor calls, speed, customer service
Transcript
Designing a Call Center Catbert: Give the employees six minutes of bathroom breaks per shift. The Boss: Tiny cubicles and we'll monitor calls and have incompatible objectives such as speed and customer service. = Wally: Hows the project going? Dilbert: Im still collecting the abuser requirements.
Wednesday October 04,
2000
Tags customer type, feeble minded people, reorganize, second guess, dogbert consults
Transcript
Dogbert is sitting at a conference table beside the boss, across from Dilbert and Wally. Dogbert says, "You need to reorganize by customer type." Gesturing toward the boss, Dogbert continues, "One division would focus on selling to feeble-minded people." The boss says, "Are you gesturing at me because I would work in that division?" Dogbert says, "What's your second guess?"
Monday November 13,
2000
Tags gigantic database, customer behavior, information, non linear math, data mining technology, optimize retail channels, spam, meeting here
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."
Tuesday November 14,
2000
Tags Catbert, evil director, most evil way, database, customer information, sell mailing list, spam, balckmail, data bse, clumping
Transcript
The Boss says to Catbert, "What's the most evil way to use our database of customer information? The Boss says, "Should we sell our mailing lists, spam without mercy, or just blackmail customers?" Catbert says, "Um... Do you have me in that database?" The Boss says, "We know all about your clumping problems."
Friday February 02,
2001
Tags 83% spat, customer satisfaction survey, the lucky ones, died of dehydration, results of survey
Transcript
A female employee says to The Boss and Wally, "The results of our customer satisfaction survey are in." The female employee says, "83% spat at their telephones until they died of dehydration." Asok the Intern, The Boss and Wally listen as the female employee continues, "We're calling that group 'The Lucky Ones'."
Wednesday February 28,
2001
Tags always right, arrogance, management training, punished, two rules, customer
Transcript
MANAGEMENT TRAINING: Dogbert says, "There are two essential rules of management." The Management Training class, with Alice sitting in the front row, listens as Dogbert continues, "One: The customer is always right." Dogbert continues, "Two: They must be punished for their arrogance!"
Monday May 07,
2001
Tags threw computer, off roof, killed customer, replace, look a like, worker, clones, coverup
Transcript
The Boss, Wally and Alice are sitting at a conference table. The Boss says "Someone threw a computer off the roof and killed our biggest customer." Alice appears shocked. The Boss continues, "We plan to replace him with a lookalike who will continue buying from us." The Boss holds up a picture of Wally. Wally says, "Hey, that's Willy from the club of people who look exactly like me."


