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A man walks up to Dilbert and Wally in the office kitchen. The man says, "My wife had a baby!" Wally says, "I hope it's not a moron." Dilbert says, "Have you looked into foster care?" Dilbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't have gone with our first instinct." Wally says, "We meant well."
The boss, standing behind Alice sitting at her computer says, "Alice, I care about you..." The boss adds, "But only enough to improve your morale, not enough to be illegal in any way." The boss continues saying, "So, tell me about you health in the least specific way possible."
Carol walks into Dilbert's cubicle hands him a folder and says to Dilbert: "I rescheduled the pre-meeting." Dilbert looks at the folder and says to Carol: "Now the pre-meeting is after the meeting." Carol says to Dilbert: "I'll schedule some time for me to pre-care."
Designing a Call Center Catbert: Give the employees six minutes of bathroom breaks per shift. The Boss: Tiny cubicles and we'll monitor calls and have incompatible objectives such as speed and customer service. = Wally: Hows the project going? Dilbert: Im still collecting the abuser requirements.
The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "I used to not care about my subordinates." The Boss says to Asok, "But that's all changed." The Boss says to Asok as Alice, The Boss' secretary, looks on, "Now I delegate the not-caring function to what's-her-face over here."
Asok the Intern sits across from the Boss. The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise. You don't ask enough questions in meetings." The Boss continues, "Questions show that you care about your job and have a thirst for knowledge." Asok is seen at a staff meeting, hand raised, asking, "Who else likes wood?"
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Today I realized I hate everyone in the entire world." Dilbert continues, "I used to think I might like some people I hadn't met. But now I think they're weasels too." Dogbert asks, "How about a wide-eyed and innocent child who loves you unconditionally?" Dilbert responds, "Tiny weasels."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"
Alice gets downsized. Wally: "Maybe your next career could be marrying a rich guy." "There must be a guy out there who wouldn't care about your personality." "If she offers you a goodbye hug, don't take it."
Dilbert: Where were you last week? Wally: I had my coccyx removed. Im having all of my unnecessary parts removed so I can get time off from work. Dilbert: How about the part of your brain that makes you care about others? Wally: its on the list after tonsils.