Desparate To Hire Comic Strips - Page 3

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149 Results for Desparate To Hire

View 21 - 30 results for desparate to hire comic strips. Discover the best "Desparate To Hire" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options

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An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #hire another engineer, #last minute, #cost saving s awards, #plan to hire, #work twice as hard

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I had planned to hire another engineer." The Boss continues, "At the last minute I rememered I could just make you work twice as hard." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Maybe you could nominate me for one of those cost saving awards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #retaining best employees, #whittle, #confidence, #hire

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Dogbert asks The Boss, "Do you have a plan for retaining the best employees?" The Boss says, "I whittle at their confidence until they believe no one else would ever hire them." Dogbert says, "Doesn't that make them sluggish?" The Boss says, "Yes, but if they're all sluggish, it looks right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #teds job, #two jobs forever, #verbal praise, #down the road, #future, #manipulation, #until hire

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I need you to do Ted's job and your own job until we hire someone." Dilbert responds, "If I do well, you'll make me do two jobs forever. If I do poorly, I'll get no raise." The Boss replies, "I can't promise anything, but there might be some verbal praise down the road."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #hire, #job interview, #urine sample, #social secuirty, #past emplyers, #past lovers, #despicable

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Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to an interviewee, "I need to check a few things before we hire you." Catbert continues, "Give me blood, hair and urine samples, fingerprints, social- security number, past employers, and past lovers." The Boss and Catbert are meeting. The Boss is looking over the interviewee's records. The Boss asks, "Before we started doing all of this checking, did you know that everyone in the world was despicable?" Catbert replies, "Yes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hire emplyees, #qaulified, #hore dumb people, #motivation

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Catbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "We can't afford to hire qualified employees." Catbert continues, "My plan is to hire dumb people and be angry at them." Catbert replies, "I forget - what's the word for pretending that people can change their basic nature?" The Boss replies, "Motivation?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #moving, #movers, #boxes, #hire movers, #feeling weak, #walk by myslef, #little legs, #unmanly

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Dilbert: It feels unmanly to hire movers. I should be able to do this with a few friends and a pick up truck. Dogbert: The movers just pulled up. Dilbert: I don't like being weak. I can walk by myself! mover: On this little legs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stalk, #new hire, #romance, #plan b, #demented, #Men

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wally: "I'm bored. It's time to stalk the new hire." "How long is the wait?" "About forty-five minutes." "When romance is involved, it's good to have a plan 'B.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2004's comic on:


Tags #stalking new hire, #date tomorrow, #employee orientation, #workplace hazards

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Alice: hows your stalking of the new hire going? Wally: we have a date for tomorrow. Alice: She's in an employee orientation meeting today. wally: Uh - oh. Module four is about identifying workplace hazards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #ceo buzz, #hire a big name, #reputation, #toughness

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Dogbert's Executive Search Firm "You need to hire a big name CEO to get some buzz." "You want someone with a reputation for toughness, whoc kinows how toget the most out of people." "Come back later. I'm still getting the most out of this one."