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Asok reports at a meeting: "I performed many tasks, but I can not claim any accomplishments." He continues: "Because things might have turned out better had I never been born." He turns to Dilbert: "Technically, it's true." Dilbert tells Asok: "Remind me to slap you later."
Asok says to Dilbert and Wally, "Who wants to share knowlege with me via our new intranet collaboration software?" Dilbert says to Asok, "You don't have any knowledge to share." Asok replies, "Ouch. It hurts because it's true." Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm hoarding my knowledge in case I ever need it."
Catbert, sitting at his desk, says to an employee, "Our records show that you used the internet for personal reasons. You're fired." The employee says, "Please, I merely ordered groceries online so that I might have more time for working." Catbert says, "My motto is, you can't spell 'who cares?' without H.R." The employee says, "It's evil, but it's true."
Dilbert and Alice open a box as Wally stands by, drinking coffee. Alice says, "Dilbert, we should read the set-up instructions." Alice and Dilbert lift the contraption out of the box as Dilbert replies, "Alice, a true engineer never reads the set-up instructions." Wally takes a sip of coffee. Dilbert continues holding the contraption as Alice reads the instruction manual: "It says to keep it away from any slurping sounds." Just then, an arm reaches out and grabs Wally's head.
Dogbert is sitting at a desk. Bob the Dinosaur approaches and says, "The reporter from Moneybags Magazine is here." Dogbert responds, "Send him in." The reporter sits across from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "Are you planning to ask my employees if my claims are true?" The reporter replies, "Nah, too lazy." Dogbert says, "I credit my success to the foot massages I personally give to each employee." The reporter takes notes and thinks to himself, "Cover story!"
Headline: The Cluttermeleon Lines His Nest with Printed Debris. An employee is carrying a large stack of papers nto a cubicle already filled with stacks of paper. Headline: A Predator Comes Out of His Lair. The Boss pokes his head out of his office. Headline: The Quick-Thinking Cluttermeleon Uses His Power of Disguise. The Boss looks into the messy cubicle. The employee is hidden underneath an extra high stack of paper.
CEO: "We have too many managers, so I'm making you an aspect manager." "You'll be in charge of one aspect of a corporate objective." The Boss: "Please just fire me." CEO: "Your aspect will be morale."
Carol: "Would you consider speaking at my son's school on career day?" "I'd do it myself, but I can't disguise the bitterness and despair that gnaw at my soul." "Plus my son has been bad and I told him I'd punish him." The boss: "I'd be honored to speak."
Dogbert: "I need a name for my company, then I can film the infomercial." Dilbert: "I assume you want a name that will help disguise your treachery." "Not so much." TV: "And now a word from the CEO of Krap2idiots." Dilbert: "Catchy." "Shhh..."
The Boss: "I've decided to standardize the department on a new programming language." Dilbert: "With all due respect, that sort of decision should be made by someone who knows his mass from a black hole." Dilbert: "The vendor warned me that you couldn't be objective."