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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #document prcedures, #requirement, #engineers, #submit time cards, #magic cylinder, #trash can, #gone by morning, #five years, #no one complained

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Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2001's comic on:


Tags #important document, #signed petition, #nobel peace prize, #sip, #trade ya

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Ratbert says to Bob, the dinosaur, "Bob, I hold in my hands the most important document ever created." Ratbert continues, "It's a signed petition to end war. I expect to win the Nobel Peace Prize for this." Ratbert asks Bob, "May I have a sip of that?" Bob replies, "Trade ya."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #strategy council, #form a comittee, #produce document, #team, #create council, #ignores document, #business

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During a meeting, The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, put together a team to decide who'll be on the strategy council." Dilbert responds, "You want me to form a committee to create a committee that will produce a document that will be ignored?" The Boss answers, "No, it's a team to create a council." Wally raises his hand and asks, "Can I be on the team that ignores the document?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #unnesccesry cahnges, #irrelevant document, #while and dance, #working, #be happy too

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The Boss: I made a few suggestions. Dilbert: I'll be happy to make these unnecessary changes to this irrelevant document. The Boss: Stop acting happy. Dilbert: Can I whistle and dance while I work?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #too busy, #bottleneck, #document, #desk, #office

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"I can't do any more work on my project until you give your input, but you're too busy." "There's no polite way to say this: Bill, you're a bottleneck." "Your document is now saying hi to the bottom of the pile."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #edited document, #calirty, #sent out, #amazing, #accuracy and relevance, #spend career fixing

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The Boss: I edited your document for clarity and sent it out. Dilbert: wow. Its amazing how clear it is when you take out all of the accuracy and relevance. I stopped listening after wow I'll get busy spending the rest of my career fixing this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #email storage, #server, #document

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The Boss: You've exceeded your e-mail storage allocation on the server again. Alice: Thats because I od real work as opposed to walking around with a piece of paper. The boss: Its not a piece of paper: its a document! Alice: I can't hear you over the ousted of my real work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #flatten hair, #important document, #option, #put on head happy, #unique filing, #clutter

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Dilbert: Where can I put this important document so it won't get lost in your desk clutter? Carol: I'll flatten my hair so you can leave it on top of my head. Are you happy? Dilbert: I didn't know happy was an option."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2008's comic on:


Tags #copy document, #less valuable, #copy boy

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The Boss: I need someone to make ten copies of this document. Asok: Is there any risk that performing this task will make me appear less valuable? The Boss: I need someone to tell copy boy to get to work. Asok: Erk o"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2010's comic on:


Tags #scan, #document, #ask, #favor, #important, #scanner malfunction, #hope, #empty candy jar, #hopeless

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Dilbert says, "Can you scan this document for me?" Carol says, "Is it important?" Carol says, "If it isn't important, you shouldn't bother me. If it is, the scanner will malfunction." Dilbert says, "Is there no room for hope?" Carol says, "I keep mine in this empty candy jar."