Efficiency Experts Comic Strips - Page 3
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92 Results for Efficiency Experts
View 21 - 30 results for efficiency experts comic strips. Discover the best "Efficiency Experts" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday October 30,
2012
Tags controlling gaze, lazy, management experts, managers & supervisors, one on one meetings, regular does, theiveing, underlings, work ethic, toxic saboteur, business
Transcript
Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday March 08,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), joking, experts, best leaders, good sense of humour, awesome leader, hilarous, laugh
Transcript
Boss: Experts say the best leaders have a good sense of humor. I'm an awesome leader, therefore I must be hilarious. Wally: I can't tell if I should laugh at that. Boss: That's because you're not a leader.
Friday March 22,
2013
Tags management experts, fat leaders, favorably, athletic ones, donuts, forget, seriously
Transcript
Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones, Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting. The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it? Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.
Sunday October 26,
2008
Tags carbicle, 50%car, 50% cubicle, 100% awesome, human efficiency, expression, engineer, something perfect, genius, shut up, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I call my invention a carbicle." Dilbert says, "It's 50% car, 50% cubicle, and 100% awesome." Dilbert says, "it is the ultimate expression of human efficiency." Dilbert says, "Rarely does an engineer get to create something so perfect that it can never me improved." Dilbert says, "I hesitate to use the word 'genius,' but I won't protest if others do." Dogbert says, "You should cram a bed in there." Dilbert says, "Shut up." Dogbert says, "You shut up."
Sunday November 23,
2008
Tags apologize for efficiency, apology, how far, meeting, reasonable assumptions, timeline for deployment, vacation, without knowledge of insight, business
Transcript
The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.
Sunday March 16,
2014
Tags internet & world wide web, movies, clever video, create video, internet, go viral, marketing experts, engineer, more passion, loser attitude, viral video, Entertainment, technology, engineering
Transcript
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
Sunday October 26,
2014
Tags deception, email, insulting, intelligence, iq, trickery, work ethic, obession, addiction, work smarter, text, efficiency
Transcript
Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.
Friday January 02,
2015
Dilbert Meets The Mom
Tags dating, low standards, meeting people, parents, mother, efficiency, ebola, shake hands, Family, relationships
Transcript
Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!
Thursday January 08,
2015
Showering In Tube Clothes
Tags clothes, clothing, efficiency, engineers, laundry, nerd, tube clothes, shower, shower drain
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered that I can wear my tube clothing in the shower! It's like doing laundry and taking a shower at the same time! I can add one more efficiency, but I'd need to replumb the shower drain. Tina: Please stop talking!!!
Friday June 05,
2020
Believing Experts
Tags debates, Opinion, expert, facts, current events, Politics
Transcript
Man: Haha! You idiot! How dare you dis-agree with the foremost experts in this field! Dilbert: Here's a breaking story about those same experts being arrested today for falsifying data. In a sane world, this information would serve to modify your strong opinion. Man: That's not how any of this works.


