Elbonian Spies Comic Strips - Page 3
213 Results for Elbonian Spies
View 21 - 30 results for elbonian spies comic strips. Discover the best "Elbonian Spies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert points to a visual aid and says, "The fishbone diagram helps identify the root cause of problems." Dilbert continues as three Elbonians listen, "In your case, the root problem seems to be that you're a nation of imbeciles . . ." An Elbonian says, "True, but YOU'RE the one who had to draw a dead fish to figure it out." Another man says, "You're in the club! Here's your hat."
An Elbonian says to Dilbert, "Thank you for teaching us 'quality' techniques." The Elbonian continues, "Manufacturing defects are down fifty percent since we all joined 'quality teams.'" The other Elbonian says, "Yes!" The Elbonian asks, "How's our productivity, Yorgi?" Yorgi replies, "Down fifty percent." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "They're on to me."
The Boss: Our Elbonian division was the low bidder for launching French satellites into orbit. Im putting you personally in charge Make sure they use the right technology. Elbonia OOPS elbonian: I hope those things aren't expensive.
Alice, Dilbert, Wally and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian hands a coffee cup to Alice who says, "In this country we have a custom when men ask women to fetch coffee." Alice continues, "Stand up . . . That's it . . . Now this will really surprise you." Dilbert and Wally cover their eyes and Wally says, "Oh God." A hat with feet sticking out of it sits on the chair where the Elbonian was sitting. Wally says, "I've never seen anybody get kicked into his hat before." Dilbert says, "That's gotta hurt."
The Boss stands outside a row of cubicles. Wally peeks out of his cubicle and Dilbert stands in the door of his cubicle. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our Elbonian owners sold the company to our biggest competitor." The Boss continues, "Our motto is 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'" Dilbert says, "I wonder what THEIR motto is." The Boss says, "Their motto is 'After you beat 'em, humiliate 'em.'" Dilbert says, "It's not very catchy."
The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."
Dilbert and an Elbonian man sit at a conference table. The Elbonian says, "Our Elbonian database product can replace every one of your current systems." Dilbert says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells Alice, "It can do payroll, accounts receivable, inventory, sales . . ." Alice says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells the Boss, "And I'll throw in some golf balls." The Boss replies, "It's a deal! Just toss them in the lake with all my other ones."
The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."
Ratbert sits at a desk. Asok stands behind him and asks, "I am only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Asok says, "The Elbonian database system you're installing for our company will never work . . . Unless I rewrite the entire thing with just six keystrokes . . . Done." Ratbert says, "I thought this was only possible in bad movies." Asok says, "Hey, let's hack into NATO's system. I can guess their password in three tries."
Wally and Dilbert sit at a table eating lunch. Wally says, "My Elbonian mail-order bride will arrive any day now." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you know the exact date?" Wally replies, "Because they're sending her by mail. I wasn't willing to pay for overnight delivery." Dilbert says, "She's one lucky gal." Wally says, "I'll probably keep her in the garage. It has a sink."