Emergency Hiring Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

102 Results for Emergency Hiring

View 21 - 30 results for emergency hiring comic strips. Discover the best "Emergency Hiring" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency meeting, #five minutes, #warm and cozy, #cubicle paradise, #sound of not caring

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "There's an emergency strategy meeting in five minutes." Dilbert responds, "I was all warm and cozy in my cubicle paradise. Why must you ruin it?" Carol puts her hand up to her ear and asks, "Can you hear the sound of me not caring?"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conincidences, #ell phones, #ring, #emergency, #crisis, #meetings, #people leave

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is about to start a meeting. Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice's cell phones all ring simultaneously. Wally says into his phone, "Emergency, you say?" Dilbert asks into his phone, "Crisis?" The Boss is alone in the conference room. He thinks, "I'm losing my faith in coincidences."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rated good, #you're not good, #company policy, #fire anyone, #hiring freeze, #get paid

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership succession plan, #freeze hiring, #staff, #pormotion, #bad idea

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: "You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." Alice: "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" The boss: "This was a bad idea."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less prodcutive, #automatic promotion, #hiring, #work like idiot, #look like idiot, #pointy haired alice

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, I need you to be less productive." "I'll get an automatic promotion if I can justify hiring one more direct report." "If I'm going to work like an idiot, I might as well look like one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring coordinator, #projects, #starts monday, #input

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'd like your input on the idea of hiring a coordinator for our projects. "Terrible idea." "Waste of money." "Wouldn't help." "He starts Monday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency, #lostphone, #company id, #keys, #critical folder, #self generated crisi, #dead battery, #small brown purse

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #wages, #hiring engineers, #google, #million per year, #change the world, #average engineer pay, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Interviewee: Google offered me a million dollars a year. What's your offer? Boss: Work for us and you can change the world! Interviewee: Change it how? Boss: By lowering the average pay of engineers. Hiring engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #interview, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I'm hiring you because you're huge and scary." The boss says, "Our economic forecast calls for the emergence of warlords in 2010." The boss says, "Have you ever pillaged?" Man says, "No, I just go on fake interviews to scope out targets."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #hiring, #renaming, #confusion, #anger, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."