Expense Report Comic Strips - Page 3
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"Hey, Matt. How's our favorite management fast-tracker?" "Great! I've got two minutes to deliver my big report to our CEO. Can you tell me where the fax is?" "Oops, I'm wrong. That's the shredder." "He'll go far in this company." "Bzzzzp."
The Boss: "I want all of you to prepare reports explaining why your jobs shouldn't be outsourced to consultants." "It is my job to write this report. But if I were a consultant it would make no sense to compare me to myself. Outsourcing is illogical." "For some reason, I'm not taking as much pride in my work lately."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Did you see my project report yet? It's in a big thick binder." The Boss replies, "I'm using it as a footrest." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "You never want to hear the words 'footrest' the day before your annual performance appraisal."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."
Wally hands a piece of paper to Dilbert and says, "Be at the 'United Charity' kickoff tomorrow." While Dilbert reads the paper Wally says, "I hired a headless man to be our inspirational speaker." Wally, Sally and the Boss are seated and a headless man stands in front of them with a microphone, making a speech. The headless man says, ". . . and that's how 'United Charity' game me back my dignity. Any questions?" The Boss raises his hand and asks, "How do you show up on a headcount report?"
Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Both of them look like they have been burned in a fire. Dilbert says, "My status report is a bit light this week because I'm having an e-mail flame war with Wally." Dilbert continues angrily, "Wally refuses to admit my technical superiority or his simian ancestry. It is my obligation to set him straight." Wally shakes his fist at Dilbert and shouts, "NEVER!!" Dilbert says, "I'm thinking this somehow elevates my rank in the herd and improves my mating possibilities." Wally says, "We're victims of hormones."
Dilbert stands in front of Alice's desk. Alice has a crown on her head and is holding a document in her hand. She says, "I will approve your expense voucher on one condition." Alice continues, "You must slay the creature who stalks the office at night and eats our hidden snacks." Dilbert holds a baseball bat in one hand and opens a drawer with the other. A mouse peers out of the drawer. Dilbert says to him, "It has to be either you or the security guard." The mouse answers, "Slay him first and see if the problem stops."
Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."
Dilbert and Liz sit on a park bench. Liz says, "Um . . . When I've shared my feelings with you, I wasn't hoping you'd design an action plan to solve all of my problems." Dilbert asks, "Why else would you tell me all of your problems . . . Unless it's some demented plot to make yourself feel better at my expense?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "You were right. It was all a demented plot." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to gradually lift your veil of ignorance."
Tina and Alice sit at a table. Tina says, "Alice, I think I'm developing a crush on Dilbert." Tina asks, "Is that so wrong?" Alice replies, "Apparently it is." Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, appears and says, "I have a report of a tech writer desiring an engineer."