Search Results for "extensive plastic surgery"
Share August 12, 2000's comic on:
Share May 10, 2002's comic on:
Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."
Share May 23, 2003's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I fired our plant-watering service and hired a less expensive one." The Boss continues, "That's the sort of leadership that will turn this company around." Wally asks, "Were we doing well?" Dilbert says, "Our plants are plastic."
Share September 18, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert: Did you order the plastic casings I need? They take two weeks for delivery. DIlbert: I see that you've cleverly avoided my actual question in favor of an imaginary one involving delivery times. Now Im fantasizing about ripping off your mustache and using it to shine your head. I hear that a lot.
Share January 14, 2004's comic on:
Airport Security Please remove your jacket and shoes Please remove your epidermal layer and put it in a plastic bag. It is a federal crime to mention the movies "Ishtar" "Glitter" or "Gigli"
Share June 27, 2005's comic on:
Ratbert the CEO "Miss Pennington, have my driver fetch the limo." "My name isn't Miss Pennington. It's Harold." "And?" "Um...and...I'll have it legally changed to Miss Pennington so you won't be wrong." "Plus the surgery."
Share May 25, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Go to human resources for a psychological evaluation." Dilbert says, "Why??? Have I said anything that is abnormal?" The Boss says, "You're an engineer. Everything you say is abnormal." Catbert says, "Question one: How many bodies are hidden in the crawl space under your house?" Dilbert says, "If they are hidden, how would I know?" Catbert says, "Well, maybe you would smell them." Dilbert says, "Not if they were wrapped in heavy plastic and sealed in concrete." Wally says, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "Not so good."
Share December 20, 2009's comic on:
Woman says, "Please order a new stapler for me," Carol says, "Did your old one break?" Woman says, "Only in spirit." Woman says, "Every person who came into my cubivle picked it up and fiddled with it," Woman says, "At first I would wipe off the cooties and try to forget." Woman says, "In time my stapler became imbued with sorrow and desperation of every dead-ender that fondled it." Woman says, "I covered it with a plastic bowl and taped it to the desk so no fumes can escape." Wally says, "If you're wondering why your chair is warm, it's because I borrowed it for a meeting." Woman says, "What's the biggest bowl you can order?"
Share October 23, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I have new guidelines on who can fly on the same plane." "We can't risk losing too many key employees." "The CEO and the president are not allowed to be on the same flight." "No more than three vice presidents may be on the same flight." "What are the guidelines for interns?" "Infinite interns are allowed on the same flight. You are also allowed to run with scissors and put plastic bags over your heads." "How many interns are allowed per plastic bag?"
Share August 10, 2003's comic on:
"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"