External Stuff Comic Strips - Page 3

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166 Results for External Stuff

View 21 - 30 results for external stuff comic strips. Discover the best "External Stuff" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #maintain urgency, #speed is key, #faster than competition, #sign stuff, #logical questions, #motivational messages

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The boss says, "WE must maintain a sense of urgency. Speed is the key. We must be faster than the competition." Dilbert says, "Does that mean you'll sign the stuff that's been on your desk for a month?" Dilbert is at home. Dilbert says, to Dogbert, "Logical questions don't mix with motivational messages."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security system, #cost fortune, #camera, #every room, #criminal activity, #fortress portected, #show kids, #stuff stolen

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Dilbert installs a panel on the wall. He tells Dogbert, "This security system cost a fortune but it's worth it." Dilbert says, "I put a camera in every room to deter any criminal activity." Dilbert says, "We may now go to the park knowing our fortress is protected." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. A man walks by carrying a lamp. The man walks by carrying a couch. The man walks by carrying the cameras. He thinks, "I can't wait to show my kids what I do at work." Dilbert says, "I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen." Dilbert says, "And that is having some of it returned." The thief walks by with the couch. He says, "This thing is hideous in good light."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired everyone, #used the internet, #personal stuff, #wrinkle, #policy, #web

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Catbert is standing on the boss's desk. Catbert says, "I fired everyone who used the internet for personal stuff." Catbert continues, "The only wrinkle in that policy is that you and I are the only employees left." Catbert says, "And frankly, I use the web for personal stuff too." The boss says, "Can you teach me how?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staff meetings, #late for meetings, #ten minutes, #stupid stuff, #fine work, #noticing

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software faults, #ship date, #future development, #coulumn, #what to call stuff, #figuring

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Dilbert: We still have too many software faults. We'll miss our ship date. The boss: "Move the list of faults to the 'future development' column and ship it." "90% of this job is figuring out what to call stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #resume, #stole stuff, #great stuff, #caught in parking lot, #technically not stealing, #buried german tourust, #guilty, #crazy, #admits to bizarreness

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The Boss: "According to your resume, you left your last job because you allegedly stole lots of great stuff." "Technically, if they catch you in the parking lot, and you give it back, that's not stealin'." "And you buried a German tourist in your cellar." "One time!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #selling stuff, #customer, #can't pay, #sociopath

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Dilbert: "Today I got a bonus for selling stuff to a customer who probably can't pay." Dogbert: "Does your soda taste any less delicious?" Dilbert: "No." Dogbert: "Congratulations, you're a sociopath." Dilbert: "It feels kinda good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #habitual liar, #ordered on internet, #resist free stuff

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Dilbert: "Karl, you're a habitual liar but these pills that I ordered over the internet will cure you." Karl: "I've never lied in my life, but I can't resist free stuff." Dilbert: "Um... Are you alive?" Karl: "Never felt better!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trump, #free stuff, #resources, #free samples, #rich people, #marketing campaign

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Dilbert: How can I create a marketing campaign if my boss doesn't give me any resources? Dogbert: "Try giving free samples to people who look like celebrities." Dilbert: "And you would be?" TRUMP: "Donald trump. Give me some free stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #technology installation, #adequate budget, #unethical vendors, #huge purchase, #free stuff, #no hidden costs, #huge purchase later

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."