Favorite Comic Strips - Page 3
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View 21 - 28 results for favorite comic strips. Discover the best "Favorite" comics from Dilbert.com.
"Remember to include my name on the patent application." "Why? You didn't help." "That's ridiculous! I've been helping you design that thing for months!" "I saved all three of your e-mails. Allow me to read them." "'Dude, is something wrong with your brain?'" "Later: 'Hey, Dilweed, maybe you should replace the backplane with a gizmo.'" "Then my personal favorite: 'Dilbag, I'm glad you took my advice to leave the backplane alone.'" "That's my way of helping." "It's great. You should patent it."
The Boss walks into a meeting and says, "Hey, it's a meeting with our favorite customers!" The Boss continues, "It's lucky I was passing by." The Boss continues, "I don't know what this meeting is about but I'm sure it needs some management perspective." The Boss continues, "Our top priority is quality. Our other top priority is price.. and service.. and ..." Headline: One Hour Later. The Boss concludes, "And that's why circles are round." The customer looks at her watch and says, "We flew here for this meeting and you used up all of our time saying nothing." The customer stands up and exclaims, "You stole a day of my life! I will hunt you to the end of time! Revenge will be mine!" The Boss and Dilbert are alone in the conference room. The Boss says, "Is it just me or is that phrase starting to be overused?"
The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.
Dilbert: My name is Dilbert. Would you like to make out? Woman: No. Dilbert: Can I take you on a date? Woman: No. Dilbert: Lunch? Woman: No. Dilbert: Can I have your number so I can text you? Woman: No. Dilbert: Can I be your Facebook friend? Woman: No. Dilbert: Can I follow you on Twitter? Woman: Fine. But no retweeting. Dilbert: Can I favorite your tweets? Woman: Only if you wear a glove on your mouse hand.
Dogbert: Do you want to prepare and serve my favorite food to me now or in one minute? Dilbert: Why do you always that manipulative trick of making me think past the sale? Dogbert: Because it works? Dilbert: One minute! Not a second sooner!
Dilbert: I didn't accomplish anything this week because I made the mistake of talking to a millennial. It sucked the ambition out of me. Now I'm nothing but an empty husk of pain and pointlessness. Boss: Walk it off. Dilbert: I need a job that pays me for listening to my favorite music.
Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!