Financial Planner Comic Strips - Page 3

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68 Results for Financial Planner

View 21 - 30 results for financial planner comic strips. Discover the best "Financial Planner" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #body language, #politely tell, #remove watch, #smash watch, #daily planner, #feel good, #act bored, #self heimlich manuever, #kerokian dodge, #instructions

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"Dogbert's Body Language Update" "Are you hampered by the limits of conventional body language?" "I can help." - How can you politely tell somebody he's babbling? "Babble, Babble." - Remove the offender's watch while he babbles.- "Babble." - Smash the watch with your daily planner. - "Babble." "Whack!" - This won't stop the babble, but it will feel real good for a minute.- "Babble." "Mmm." - Use this position to signal your surrender to the babble.- "Babble." -Next week - the self-Heimlich manuever and the Kervorkian dodge.- "Babble."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #long range planner, #impossible evaluation, #flex-time, #supposed to work, #internet connection n, #telecommute, #not pollute, #give a hoot, #losers, #demanded relocation, #no budget, #poodle graohics, #big raise

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why do you want to be our new 'Long Range Planner,' Mister Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Because 'long range' is very far away . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . Therefore it will be impossible to evaluate my performance." Dogbert continues, "If it's not too much to ask, I'd like to be on flex-time so you'll never know if I'm supposed to be at work." Dogbert continues, "I'll need an Internet connection at home so I can telecommute and not pollute. Because I give a hoot." Dogbert continues, "Also, I'd like to be in a group with lots of losers. That way I'll get the biggest riase when we're ranked." The Boss says, "You're hired. All of the other applicants demanded relocation expenses and I have no budget for that." Dogbert stands at a desk. Dilbert asks, "Why do I have to work while you just look for poodle graphics on the Internet?" Dogbert says, "Don't work too hard; I'd like a big raise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #financial sunsidary, #million victims, #first year, #cross selling, #bayonet the survivors

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The boss is sitting in a meeting between Wally and Dogbert and he says: "Mister Dogbert will be CEO of our financial subsidiary." Dogbert says: "My goal is one million victims in the first year." Dogbert says: "Then I'll do some cross-selling, which I prefer to call "bayonetting the survivors."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2004's comic on:


Tags #borrow chair, #leave callateral, #financial officer

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Financial officer: "May I borrow your chair for a meeting?" Dilbert: "Okay, but leave your wallet, keys, company ID, and one shoe with me." Financial officer: "I'm your chief financial officer." Dilbert: "Then I also need your PDA and one sock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #financial troll, #demands lower prices, #shopping, #walgetco

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Financial troll: "Every time we cut costs, our distributor, Walgetco, takes the gain by demanding lower prices." The Boss: "Thank you for shopping at Walgetco! Have a nice day!" Financial Troll "Maybe it's too late." The boss: "Troll accessories are on aisle six!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #fearless adventurer, #chief financial iofficer, #bungee cord

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It's good P.R. for the company when the CEO is a fearless adventurer. "Sounds dangerous." "Don't worry. I've asked chief financial officeer to be in charge of safety." "Okay who estimated the length of the bungee cord?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #phishing, #new hobby, #fake banking emails, #gullible executives, #financial information, #steal, #password social security card

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"I have a new hobby. It's called phishing." "I send fake banking e-mails to gullible executives. Then I find out their financial information and use it to steal the money they don't deserve." Dear Customer, This is your bank. We forgot your social security number and password. Why don't you send them to us so we can protect your money. Sincerely, I. B. Banker "Looks legit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #misleading, #financial problems, #shady innocent people, #personal gain

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Our shareholders are suing us for misleading them about our financial problems. "Since when is it illegal to shaft innocent people for personal gain?" "Don't put that in the minutes." "I'll see what I can do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #financial bakery, #abuse, #zero units, #cook books, #foot notes, #smell like feet

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Dogbert says, "Welcome to 'Dogbert's Financial Bakery.' How may I abuse you?" A man says, "We shipped zero units this quarter. Can you cook our books?" Dogbert says, "Of course." The man says, "Will anyone know?" Dogbert says, "Sometimes the footnotes smell like actual feet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #computer, #financial, #trouble, #new computer, #executive suite, #no visitors, #vacant offcies, #financial troubles, #old computer, #vacant office, #technology

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The boss: We need your new computer for the empty office in the executive suite. We don't want any visitors to see vacant offices. They might think we're having financial troubles. Dilbert: Why don't we put my old computer in the vacant office? My boss: That's crazy talk.