Flaws In Design Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert: Here's the final design for Project 'Zebra'. I worked day and night for weeks to finish it on time. The Boss: I canceled that project a month ago, I meat to tell you. Dilbert: In some countries it would be legal to kill you with this binder, The Boss: Thats why I don't travel.
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I hired a professional to help us design our product interface." The Boss continues, "His last job was as an international terrorist. It's not a perfect fit but he went to Yale." Dilbert sits at a table and says to the man sitting with him, "So, I hear you went to Yale, Sven." Sven answers, "I yust got out last week."
Dilbert and Stan from marketing sit at a conference table. As he types on a laptop, Dilbert tells Stan, "Okay, let's start by documenting your market requirements." Stan responds, "No, let's start by you telling me all the things you can design. Then I'll tell you which one I like." Dilbert says, "Work can be very rewarding. You should try it." Stan points to Dilbert's portable PC and asks, "What's that doohickey you have there?"
Dilbert sits in his cubicle thinking, "I need to think 'outside the box' to come up with a creative design . . ." Dilbert pushes his chair outside his cubicle and continues thinking, "I push my chair into the hallway to change my viewpoint and stimulate my creative juices." The Boss approaches and Dilbert thinks, "Suddenly my juice dries up." The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "You're a fire hazard. Do your thinking inside your box."
Dilbert says, "Ratbert, my company is hiring for our quality assurance group. You'd be perfect." Ratbert asks, "What would I have to do?" Dilbert replies, "You would find flaws in our new product, thus making yourself an object of intense hatred and ridicule." Ratbert says, "But then you'd fix those flaws . . . And your respect for me would grow into a special bond of friendship, right?!" Dilbert replies, "No, then we ship."
The caption says, "Asok the Intern." Dilbert, Alice, Asok and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "I came in over the weekend and looked at the design you've been working with all year." Asok continues, "It turns out that you could have built the unit at half the cost with just one minor change." Asok continues, "Is it true I can win awards for this sort of thing?" Alice whispers to Wally, "Fetch the internapult."
Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."
Dogbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "If you plan to have a booth at the trade show, you need the 'Dogbert Trade-Show Consulting Company' to design it." Dogbert continues, "I recommend the deluxe booth. It's guaranteed to generate the most revenue." Alice asks, "How would the deluxe booth generate more revenue for my company?" Dogbert says, "Oh, suddenly this is about YOUR company?"
The Boss tells Wally, "Bad news on your performance review, Wally." The Boss continues, "Everyone performed the same. But I'm required to rank the group on a bell curve." The Boss continues, "I had to make up some flaws to move you down the curve. Here's a pen. Sign it." Wally reads the review, "Employee does not wash hands after using the restroom."
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to work with our marketing people to design a product brochure." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "Remember, what we do here might seem like criminal fraud but it's not. It's marketing!" Dilbert says, "Okay, as long as it's not wrong . . ." The man says, "Here's a jar to keep your conscience in. I'll put it in the closet with mine."