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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #touchy-feely, #department, #rumors, #flying, #lizards, #planet, #business, #zorbians, #team, #players

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Do you have a minute?" The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's touchy-feely stuff." Dilbert asks, "What's going to happen to our department? The rumors are flying." The Boss asks, "What have you heard?" Dilbert replies, "Rumor has it that flying lizards from the planet Zorb will buy the company." Dilbert continues, "They plan to turn the employees into giant corn dogs on sticks." The Boss replies, "Don't worry about rumors. It's business as usual for now." Dilbert gulps and walks away. The Boss thinks, "I think I handled that pretty well." Dilbert and Wally have long sticks on their backs. Dilbert asks, "Are you sure this will impress the Zorbians?" Wally replies, "I hear they like team players."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1997's comic on:


Tags #answer this quiz, #bill gates, #towel boy, #humans are primates, #three monkeys, #stupid trick question

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Dilbert stands in a room filled with electronic equipment. A voice coming from a monitor says, "You have been chosen as Bill Gates' towel boy. But first you must answer this quiz." The voice continues, "You're in a room with three monkeys. One has a banana, one has a stick, one has nothing. Which primate is the smartest?" Dilbert says, "Um . . ." Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert says, "I guess the successful towel boys know that humans are primates too." DIlbert says angrily, "Stupid trick question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #e commerce sight, #well documented, #flying pigs, #coolest part

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Dogbert consults the Boss. Dogbert says, "My team can build an e-commerce site for you." Dogbert continues, "It will be so well-documented that your I.S. group can easily maintain it." The Boss gathers his employees as he explains, "But the coolest part is that the documentation will be delivered by flying pigs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #morale problem, #boss solutions, #knickname for group, #scatalogical, #involves monkeys, #meeting, #decide nickname, #suggestions, #business

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The Boss stands at the front of the room in front of an easel that says "Morale Problem." The Boss says, "I have a solution to our morale problem." The Boss continues, "We need a nickname for our group." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can it be something scatological?" The Boss replies, "Ummm...no." Wally asks, "How about something that involves monkeys?" The Boss says, "I don't think so." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Oooh...but can it be something that's both scatological AND involves monkeys?" Wally walks out of the meeting and says, "It's hard to be optimistic when he's so grumpy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #software expenses, #marketing software expenses, #monkeys, #wear watches, #boss asks, #budget, #costs, #expenses

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The Boss sees Alice at her desk and asks, "Why are our software expenses higher than marketing's software expenses?" Alice replies, "For the same reason monkey's don't wear watches." Caption reads: "One hour later." The Boss returns and asks, "Does it involve fur in any way?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #think aloud, #cost, #monkeys, #swallow tongue, #distarctions, #stream of consciousness

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Okay, let me think aloud for a minute." The Boss continues, "The cost will be $3,000... losing focus... monkeys are funny... my tongue is digesting in my mouth." The Boss concludes, "That didn't help as much as I had hoped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #exclusive cable contarct, #monkey, #monkeys version, #procurement manager, #rope as electric, #rope vendor, #animals

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My technology test was a huge failure because I had to use a rope as my electronic cable." Dilbert continues, "Our procurement manager is a monkey who signed an exclusive cable contract with a rope vendor." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'd rather not take sides until I hear the monkey's version."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #homemaking skills, #marry a man, #garbageman, #present value cash flow, #comparison, #trained monkeys, #monkey surplus, #bobby upset

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Alice is walking outside, she approaches The Garbageman and asks, "Would it be wrong to marry a man for his homemaking skills?" The Garbageman replies, "Do a present-value cash-flow comparison of marriage versus the equivalent service from trained monkeys." Bobby is sobbing. Alice consoles him, "It's not you.. it's me... and a world wide oversupply of monkeys."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #forgetting things, #hospital, #odctors, #exam room, #monkeys brain, #replace brain, #medical

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"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #project coming, #pile of failure, #15 drunken monkeys, #jigsaw puzzle

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Wally: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: It's a streaming pile of failure. Dilbert: It's like fifteen drunken monkeys with a jigsaw puzzle." The Boss: How's your project coming along?" Dilbert: Fine.