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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1990's comic on:


Tags #mr. tidy, #punk, #experienced, #stealing, #homes, #area, #extra, #van, #nicer

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Dilbert asks the cleaning man, "And your name is . . . ?" The man replies, "Call me Mr. Tidy." Dilbert says, "The agency says you're experienced." The man replies, "Yeah, I've cleaned out some of the nicer homes in this area." The man continues, "The best thing here is to load your possessions into my van and I'll clean 'em at my place." Dilbert asks, "Will that cost me extra?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #museum, #amazing, #engineer, #computer, #induced, #trance, #ten, #cents, #dollar

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Dogbert approaches Dilbert sitting at a desk. Dogbert says to the man and woman following him, "This exhibit is the pride of 'Dogbert's Museum of the Strange and Amazing.'" Dogbert continues, "This is an engineer, deep in a computer-induced trance and oblivious to his environment." Dogbert holds out a container of balls and says, "You can bop him in the back of his head with whiffle balls for ten cents a throw." The man gets out his wallet and says, "Gimme a dollar's worth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #gigantic circles, #wheat, #british, #fields, #circles, #message, #extra-terrestrials, #deciphered, #surrendered

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Dilbert sits on a hassock watching television. The newscaster says, "Gigantic circles continue to appear in British wheat fields." The reporter continues, "Experts believe the circles are a message from extra-terrestrials . . ." The newscaster continues, "The message has been deciphered as 'Surrender or the wheat dies.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dating, #smiling, #more attractive, #extra hetero, #relationships

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Dilbert: Studies show that smiling makes you more attractive. Wally: Is it working. Dilbert: I just became extra hetero.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #puppets, #padded resume, #rumour, #engineer, #technically, #browser history, #engineering

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CEO: I'd like to address the rumor that I padded my resume. In the strictest sense of the word, I am not technically an "engineer" per se. But to put this in perspective, even The Pope hides his browser history. It's no big deal.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #wake up, #huh, #dream, #dumpy, #engineer, #playboy, #millionaire, #movie, #star, #love, #night, #janitor, #dress

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The janitor says to Dilbert, who has fallen asleep on his desk, "Hey, mister, wake up!" Dilbert picks his head up and says, "Huh?" The janitor says, "It was all a dream! You're not a dumpy engineer -- you're really a playboy millionaire movie star!!" Dilbert says, "I . . . I am??" The janitor says as he walks away, "I love being the night janitor." Dilbert asks, "Then why do I dress like this?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1991's comic on:


Tags #language, #Dilbert, #Wally, #zimbu, #zoo, #engineer, #cafeteria, #donuts, #skills, #staff, #meeting, #monkey

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Dilbert stands in front of Zimbu the Monkey's desk and says, "Look, Zimbu, you might have learned language skills at the zoo, but it takes more than that to be an engineer." Wally enters and says, "Dilbert, Zimbu, let's hit the cafeteria for morning donuts." Dilbert, Wally and Zimbu sit at a table eating donuts. Dilbert says, "Okay, after ten a.m. it takes more than language skills to be an engineer." Wally says, "Not today -- we have a staff meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #robot, #building, #impossible, #perfectly, #neurospectrum, #ego, #engineer

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Dilbert sits at a table building something. Dogbert asks, "What happened with the robot you were building?" Dilbert replies, "Nobody can make a robot. It's impossible." The garbage man opens a trashcan and sees the remains of a robot. He thinks, "Hmm . . . A perfectly good robot. Probably just needs a neurospectrum field calibration." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That whole robot project was bad for my ego as an engineer." A robot enters and says, "Hey! Guess who's WAY smarter than you!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #slogan, #inspire, #Dilbert, #quality, #extra, #pay, #alice

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally, Brenda another employee, "What the department needs is a slogan to inspire us." The Boss continues, "Our new slogan is 'We Are Quality.'" A woman says, "Suddenly I feel like working long hours for no extra pay." The Boss says, "It's working!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #electronics, #devices, #pager, #calculator, #watch, #technical, #superiority, #engineer, #challenges, #dominance, #ritualistic, #compass, #wireless, #fax

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Dilbert, who is wearing a belt with several electronic devices attached to it, says, "Wally, I notice that all you have is a pager and a calculator watch." Wally thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert continues, "That's pathetic compared to my vast array of personal electronics. Do you yield to my technical superiority?" The caption says, "When a male engineer challenges another for dominance of the pack, there is a brief ritualistic battle rarely seen by outsiders." Wally says, "Stay back, I've got a compass!!" Dilbert yells, "Wireless fax!"