Heart Attack Comic Strips - Page 3

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63 Results for Heart Attack

View 21 - 30 results for heart attack comic strips. Discover the best "Heart Attack" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secreatry, #booked flight, #smog, #hardened, #machete, #hack tunnel, #asthma attack, #treatment

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Carol: I booked you flight to the polluted capital of Albania. Their smog has hardened into a sold. use this machete to hack a tunnel through it. If you have an asthma attack the treatment is the same as for a sea urchin sting. YOu'll need to urinate on your lungs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stockholder, #meeting, #budget, #waste money, #panic attack, #pucker face, #business

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Stockholder says, "Hi ho! I'm a common stockholder. I'm here to see how my investment is coming along." The Boss says, "Okay, first on the agenda, we need to blow our budget before year end so we don't get less money next year." The Boss says, "How many ten-dollar mouse pads can we get for $10,000?" Stockholder says, "I hope this is a panic attack."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tall pants, #traditional hair, #unholy allaince, #military industrial complex, #attack allies

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Dogbert: I'll need more than tall pants and traditional looking hair to get elected to president. "I'm hoping to form an unholy alliance with the military industrial complex." "You're willing to attack allies?" Dogbeert: "It's the highest R.O.I."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cheeseburger, #dead man walking, #deception, #dried apricot, #heart, #inventions, #medical diagnosis, #program to hate, #neutrino sensor

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Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #mentors, #drive steak through heart, #business

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Boss: Asok, thanks to my mentoring, someday you will be just like me. Asok: Gaaa!!! Someone please drive a stake through my heart! Hurry! Boss: Apparently I don't know what mentoring is.

Health Sensor Predictes Death

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Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical

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Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

Government Wants To Kill Dilbert

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Government Wants To Kill Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cyber attack, #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #spying, #surveillance, #privacy, #hiding, #hiding out

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G-Man: The app you wrote in your spare time stopped the worst cyber attack our nation has seen. The president has authorized me to kill you and steal the app so no other country can get it. Dilbert: The government will never find me! G-Man: We chipped you during your colonoscopy.

Winning The Nasa Contract

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Winning The Nasa Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aliens, #attack, #communication, #earth, #space, #nasa

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Boss: NASA has detected an alien probe heading for earth. We won the NASA contract to contact the aliens using a focused laser beam. Dilbert: Wouldn't that look to them like an attack? Boss: Maybe that's why do one else bid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compliment, #home, #design

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Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "The designs for my revolutionary new 'home defense system' are now complete." Dilbert looks at the plans and says, "Well, this is very detailed. But where do you think we can find this many 'flying attack porcupines?'" Dogbert says, "Just TRY to get a compliment out of that man."