Hidden Objectives Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

66 Results for Hidden Objectives

View 21 - 30 results for hidden objectives comic strips. Discover the best "Hidden Objectives" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exceeding expectations, #padding objectives, #whistle blower, #award

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "As you know, I'm the only employee who is not exceeding expectations." Wally says, "You should punish the others for unscrupulously padding their objectives! Those lying weasels!!" Wally asks The Boss, "Can I get a Whistle-Blower Award for this?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #impossible assignment, #right place, #reword, #objectives, #match, #analyzed, #feasibility, #project, #discontinue

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is home in his bathrobe. He says to Dogbert, "Can you help me weasel out of an impossible assignment?" Dogbert replies, "You came to the right place." Dogbert continues, "Gradually reword the objectives of the project until one day they match what you've already done." Headline: Six Months Later. Dilbert says to The Boss, "I successfully analyzed the feasibility of discontinuing the project." The Boss responds, "Success!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #price quote, #every expense, #alice side agreement, #hidden costs, #customer punch vendor, #freaking weasel

View Transcript

Transcript

"As you requested, this price quote includes absolutely every expense you'll incur!" "If that's true, you won't mind signing the 'Alice Side Agreement." "'In the event of hidden costs, customer will repeatedly punch vendor while telling 'you freaking weasel!'" "Pen?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no written objectives, #free to help, #personal philosophy

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: I'm cruising into my fifth month with no written objectives. some philosophers would say that having no objectives means Im free to help any team that asks. Wally: My personal philosophy is more along the lines of hiding.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unclear objectives, #complaint, #be clear, #call a tie, #selfish

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The number one complaint from employees is 'unclear objectives.' The Boss: My number one complaint is that it takes too much effort for me to be clear. Catbert: Lets call it a tie. The bossL what are they so selfish?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work well, #superviuson, #vague objectives, #recognition, #contribution, #excited by criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Can you work well without supervision? Candidate: "Yes! I thrive on vague objectives and a complete lack of recognition for my contribution!" The Boss: "Can you handle criticism?" Candidate: "I'm not too proud to say it excites me!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian divison, #do any work, #every minute, #hidden cameras, #randomly fire, #evil, #buttocks tingle

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: My Elbonian division won't do any work unless someone is watching them every minute. Catbert: "Tell them you have hidden cameras." "Then randomly fire one Elbonian per week." The Boss: "Hee-hee! Evil makes my buttocks tingle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #technology installation, #adequate budget, #unethical vendors, #huge purchase, #free stuff, #no hidden costs, #huge purchase later

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #due diligence, #hidden issues, #bad time, #human buns

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to handle the due diligence for our alliance with the galactic protein corporation." The Boss says, "Find out if they have any hidden issues we should know about." Dilbert says, "Is this a bad time?" Human Buns