Hit With Modem Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?
Tags #computers & peripherals, #fraternization, #friends with ghots, #ghandi, #ghost personal page, #ghosts, #heaven, #internet & world wide web, #llincoln, #satellite pictures, #social media, #social network, #technology
Dogbert: Our new product will be a social network for people who want to be friends with ghosts. We'll post satellite pictures on each ghost's personal page and say the photos were taken from heaven. Man: Abraham Lincoln posted new pictures. Woman: I'm chatting with Gandhi! Later.
Asok says, "I thought my Elbonian kidnappers would hold me forever because you refused to pay the ransom." Asok says, "Then the Stockholm effect kicked in. I started identifying with my captors and beating myself." The Boss says, "And they let you go?" Asok says, "Apparently it looked contagious."
Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.
Dilbert: Customers are threatening to boycott us if we continue to advertise on Dogbert's radio show. Dogbert insulted every man, woman, child and organic substance in the known universe. He called the moon something that rhymes with totem. Boss: Modem?
Dilbert sits at the table reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Which would you prefer: winning a million bucks or getting hit in the lips with a dead mole while you sleep?" Dilbert replies, "Uh . . . The money." Dogbert says, "Well, that's too bad, because you didn't win a million bucks." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "That's the kind of hypothetical question that can keep you up all night."
Dilbert shows Dogbert a photo album and says, "This is Uncle Phil before he died hang gliding." Dogbert asks, "Did he hit a tree?" Dilbert replies, "Let's just say he didn't read the hang glider manual very carefully." Uncle Phil stands on top of a hang glider with a noose around his neck. The other end of the rope is attached to a tree. He thinks, "I wonder if there's another reason it's called hang gliding. Nah . . ."
Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."
Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"
dilberts letter: "Project status: We accidentally destroyed the French satellite and are now at war with France." Elbonian: "Maybe you should be a little more upbeat in your report. Emphasize the positive." letter: "...on a positive note, our headcount expenses are trending downward."