Internal Debvelopers Comic Strips - Page 3

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27 Results for Internal Debvelopers

View 21 - 27 results for internal debvelopers comic strips. Discover the best "Internal Debvelopers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #machinery, #tech support, #digital modem, #wiring, #problem, #plumbing, #supervisor

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Dogbert: This is Dogbert's tech support. How many I abuse you? Boss: I think my digital modem is broken. Dogbert: Please hold while I pretend to be testing it. Okay, it looks fine from here. The problem must be in your wiring. You'll have to rip out all of the wiring in your entire house to locate the problem. Boss: Are you sure? Because the lights on the modem aren't even on. Dogbert: That means you have moisture on your internal wiring. You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof. Boss: May I speak with your supervisor? Dogbert: Sure. But he sounds exactly like me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #organization chart, #phone lists shreded, #picking clean, #headhunters, #steal away, #double pay, #drains initiative

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The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2001's comic on:


Tags #calling in sick, #honesty, #monday, #puked, #puked up organs, #questioned, #suspicious, #vomit, #glah!, #optional guts

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An under-the-weather Alice sits angrily as The Boss says, "I'm a bit suspicious about you calling in sick yesterday on a Monday, Alice." The Boss looks startled as Alice exclaims, "Glah!" and her internal organs fly out of her mouth. Alice says to Dilbert, "Luckily I had lots of optional guts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #consult, #critic, #argument, #waste of time, #rip off, #expensive, #angry

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "A good leader cultivates internal critics so all sides of an argument are heard." Dogbert says, "For example, I cultivated Dilbert to argue the point I just made." Dilbert says, "Your premise is that a leader is not qualified to make decisions without the help of critics." Dilbert says, "But selecting the appropriate critic is itself a decision." Dilbert says, "There is no reason to assume a leader is any better at selecting a critic than he is at making any other decision." Dilbert says, "Your overpaid consultant is recommending that you add randomness to an already flawed process." Dilbert says, "In summary, this meeting is a waste of time, and your consultant is ripping you off." Dogbert says, "How great was that? You owe me $400 for my time."

Robot Dispenses Meds

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Robot Dispenses Meds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #medicine, #pill, #anxiety, #deception, #control, #manipulation

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Robot: My biosensors detect an onset of social anxiety. My internal 3-D printer is making the meds to fix you. I am ready to dispense. Please lie on the ground with your mouth open. Dilbert: This feels like a bad precedent.

Tracking Employee Theft

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Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

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Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Can't Succeed Within The Rules

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Can't Succeed Within The Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #rules, #success

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dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.