Irrational Orders Comic Strips - Page 3

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53 Results for Irrational Orders

View 21 - 30 results for irrational orders comic strips. Discover the best "Irrational Orders" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #product changes, #change orders, #new features, #online change order system, #old forms, #change order, #managemet, #better plan, #business

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Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2014's comic on:


Tags #stress, #humans irrational, #comment, #hater, #hater forver, #taking personal

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Dilbert: My stress is way down since I discovered that all humans are irrational. Tina: Clearly that comment is directed at me. Now I hate you forever! Dilbert: Da-dee da-dum.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #compliment, #compliments, #insult, #insulting, #work ethic, #technical skills, #perfect attendance, #risk averse, #no social life, #irrational needs, #code writing puppet

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Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1989's comic on:


Tags #joke telling, #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #beer, #cactus, #timing, #jokes

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The caption says, "Dilbert demonstrates the art of joke telling." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on chairs across from each other. Dilbert says, ". . . So the first guy orders a beer and a cactus . . ." The caption says, "A good joke teller will seek to establish a pattern." Dilbert continues, ". . . Then the second guy . . . Heh, heh . . . Orders a beer and a cactus . . ." The caption says, "Tomorrow's lesson: timing." Dilbert continues, ". . . So then the seventy-third guy comes in . . ." Dogbert is asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #logical, #conclusion, #scientific, #method, #science, #based

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method." Dogbert replies, "But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called 'time' and 'cause and effect' exist." Dilbert says angrily, "That's what I was taught and that's what I believe." Dogbert replies, "Sounds cultish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #steering committee, #calla meeting, #department heads, #override, #moot point, #leaders only

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Dilbert: Did you remember what the steering committee decided about my project? The Boss: Nope You'd better calla meeting with all the department heads, Their orders will override the steering committee and make it a moot point, Dilbert: It will take months to get on all of their calendars. The boss: And don't invite yourself. Its for leaders only.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dignity enhancement, #help employees, #less money, #hire someone, #co workers

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The Boss: Sue was hired to run our new dignity enhancement program. Her charter is to help the employees feel good about themselves while they work harder for less money. Dilbert: How can we afford to hire somebody new? The Boss: Do you remember those cow orders you used to have?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #reengineered job, #more fulfilled, #value chain, #stages of prodcution, #fired secretaries, #credenza

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Dilbert is in the Boss's office. The Boss says, "Great news! I've reengineered your job to make you more fulfilled!" The Boss continues, "You'll no longer be limited to one little part of the value chain. You'll be involved in all stages of production!" Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "Oh Lord, you fired all the secretaries!!" The Boss orders, "Dust my credenza."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #new software, #installed, #send registartion, #modem, #credit card, #Number, #new products, #virus, #excellent marketing

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Dilbert sits at his computer. A message on the screen says, "Your new software is successfully installed. Do you want to send your registration info by modem?" Dilbert says, "Yes." A message says, "The software has found your credit card number and is placing orders for new products it thinks you need . . . Please wait." Dilbert says, "Uh." The message says, "Making room on your hard drive . . ." Dilbert says as he loads a rifle, "I can't tell if it's a virus or just excellent marketing." Dogbert holds the box of ammunition and adds, "Either way . . "

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #least expensive vendor, #requirements, #change mid project, #lowest bid, #fired later, #fired mid project, #outplacement service, #every sale

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Dilbert is meeting with a business associate. The business associate says, "We're the least expensive vendor unless your requirements change mid- project." Dilbert responds, "So... I'll get fired if I don't select the lowest bid, or I'll be fired later when the bills for change orders pour in." Dilbert says, "I prefer to be fired mid-project." The business associate replies, "We offer outplacement service with every sale."