Job Makes Alice Sick Comic Strips - Page 3
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View 21 - 30 results for job makes alice sick comic strips. Discover the best "Job Makes Alice Sick" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share November 01, 1996's comic on:
Alice sits at her desk listening to sounds coming over the cubicle wall. She clenches her teeth and thinks, "Oh, no . . . It's the maddening sound of Wally clipping his nails." Alice thinks, "The sound makes me crazy, but I can't complain because it would sound silly. Must . . . Wait . . ." Dilbert stands behind Wally and asks, "You made your own screen saver?" Wally replies, "It's called 'Wally's 101 Annoying Cubicle Sounds.'" The sound of slurping comes from his computer.
Share February 06, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits across from Catbert's desk. She says, "I was so good at my job that I never needed to bother my boss, but he gave me a low rating because he didn't see me struggling." Catbert replies, "I must refer to my human resources binders to see how to deal with this." Catbert looks at a bookcase filled with binders. Most of the binders are labeled "Downsize" and a few are labeled "Hire Losers."
Share April 23, 1997's comic on:
Alice peers into the Boss's office as she puts on her coat. She says, "I'm going home early because my kid is sick." Alice says, "Remember, we have a new 'Family Friendly' policy." The Boss asks, "We do?" The Boss asks, "Is that why my family seems so friendly?" Alice replies, "Maybe, but I'd test 'em for drugs."
Share July 21, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert passes out paper to The Boss and Wally. The boss has a pencil and Wally has a coffee mug. Dilbert says, "Here's the agenda. The first hour will be U.B.R., as usual." The Boss sits at the conference table with Wally and Alice. He says, "This reminds me of my first job, before crash test dummies were popular. man, I spent a fortune on aspirin." Alice asks Dilbert, who has his feet up on the table, "What exactly is U.B.R.?" Dilbert answers, 'Unfocused Boss Rambling. Only 58 minutes to go."
Share February 28, 1998's comic on:
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Our new slogan is Pressure Makes Diamonds." Wally sits to one side. Wally says,"How about Pressure Makes Garbage More Compact? I wonder if that one is taken." Dilbert looks on as The Boss frowns. The Boss walks out followed by Wally, who says, "Irritation Makes Pearls. Or maybe Pressure Makes Whine." The Boss thinks, "I hate this strong job market for engineers."
Share March 07, 1998's comic on:
Alice says to The Boss, "I estimated the hours it would take to do an excellent job on all the projects you've assigned." Alice says, "That would be a fifty hours a day. So I recalculated for 'adequate' results. That would be forty hours per day." Alice says, "Well, to make a long story short, let's skip down to 'complete fiduciary misconduct.'" The Boss holds his hands over his ears and says, "Blah, blah, blah, blah."
Share April 01, 1998's comic on:
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Alice says to Catbert, "I'm not enjoying my job." Catbert hands Alice a bottle of pills and says, "Take this powerful anti- depressant drug for the rest of your life." Alice responds, "I didn't know H.R. could prescribe drugs." Catbert says, "I'd hate to live in a world where that was illegal." Alice reads the bottle aloud, "Boss-proof cap."
Share April 02, 1998's comic on:
Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "Human resources is prescribing powerful antidepressants to improve morale." Alice continues, "The label says it may cause 'unwarranted optimism about you dead-end job.'" Wally, "I gotta get me some of that."
Share October 23, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "
Share September 01, 1996's comic on:
A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."