Kill Comic Strips - Page 3
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188 Results for Kill
View 21 - 30 results for kill comic strips. Discover the best "Kill" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 23,
1996
Tags warning label, cigarette box, kill you right away, come to your house, Wally
Transcript
Wally looks at a pack of cigarettes and tells Dilbert, "I never noticed this warning label on my cigarettes before." Wally reads, "If this product doesn't kill you right away, the executives of our company will drive over to your house and finish the job. We know where you live, Wally. Quit now!" The Boss asks Dilbert, "Why am I paying for a color printer?" Dilbert replies, "It's also an air freshener if you know how to use it."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday August 13,
1997
Tags south dakota, tax reasons, save money on taxes, disrupt lives, kill in sleep, sell organs
Transcript
Dilbert peers over his cubilce at Wally. Dilbert says, "There's a rumor the company is moving to SOuth Dakota for tax reasons." Wally hangs up his coat and says, "Do you seriously think they would disrupt the lives of thousands of employees just to save money on taxes?" Dilbert replies, "I think they'd kill us all in our sleep and sell our organs if the return on investment was good." Wally says, "Stop it. I'll be afraid to sleep in my cubicle now."
Tuesday September 23,
1997
Tags third date, vendor, client, obligated, feisty, oysters, sale first, kill client
Transcript
Wally and a vendor are eating lunch at a restaurant and are looking at the menu. Wally says, "Do you realize this is our third date?" The vendor (a woman) says, "We're not dating. I'm a vendor and you're my client." The vendor says, "You always say the only time we can meet is during lunch. That way I'm obligated to pay for it." The waitress brings them glasses of water. Wally says, "You're feisty. I'd better get the oysters." The vendor makes an angry grimmace and thinks, "Make sale first. Then kill client."
Wednesday November 05,
1997
Tags cobol, cobol code, glaciers, vast experience, rewrite, incharge, dinosaur, intern, meteor kill
Transcript
The Boss says to Asok and Bob, "You two will be in charge of rewriting our COBOL code to fix the millenium problem." The Boss puts his arm on Asok's shoulder and says, "I realize you've never worked on COBOL before, Asok. That's why I'm teaming you with Bob, so you can learn from his vast experience." Bob and Asok sit at a computer. Asok says, "So, you recommend waiting for a meteor to kill us all." Bob says, "The glaciers are way too slow."
Thursday November 27,
1997
Tags installation successful, second digital, access internet, tradition requires, victory dance, engineers, kill him, justified
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of his home computer. Dilbert thinks, "The installation is successful. I have 128 kilobits per second of digital access to the internet." Dilbert dances. Dilbert thinks, "As tradition requires, I do the engineer's victory dance." Dogbert films with a video camera. Dogbert says, "...so if I ever have to kill him, the jury will realize it was justified." Ratbert asks, "Could you hurry?"
Thursday December 11,
1997
Tags lower opinion, time bombs, ruin magic, kill me, one kiss, no tongue
Transcript
Dilbert and his date go for a walk, holding hands. She says, "Sooner or later you'll say something that will lower my opinion of you." Dilbert grunts. She says, "Men are like bombs. At any moment you'll say something that will ruin the magic." Dilbert slips and says, "I'm an engineer." She screams, "Aaaaargh! Kill me! Kill me!" He says, "I'll give you one kiss. No tongue."
Monday December 14,
1998
Tags Dogbert, cuter with ears up, could kill, Dilbert, impossible to be cuter
Transcript
Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch with his ears up. Dilbert reads a newspaper. Dogbert says, "I discovered I'm much cuter when I put my ears up." Dogbert says, "It seems impossible that I could be any cuter than I was." Dilbert says, "Maybe you aren't." Dogbert says, "I could kill you and no jury would believe I did it." Dilbert says, "Okay, THAT was cute."
Wednesday March 03,
1999
Tags people fear public speaking, fear death, kill a guy, scheduled to speak, sleep, threats, dogcart threatens dilbert, hints at death, health
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the breakfast table. Dilbert has his lap top in front of him. Dogbert says, "They say people fear public speaking more than they fear death." Dogbert says, "So technically, if you kill a guy who's scheduled to speak, you're doing him a favor." Dogbert says, "When are you going to sleep." Dilbert says, "Never."
Saturday April 17,
1999
Tags computer manufacturer, threats, to kill, freeze up, supportive police
Transcript
Dilmom opens her door to two policemen holding guns. Cop one says, "We have a report that you threatened to kill a computer manufacturer." Dilbert's mom pionts to the computer and says, "It freezes up five times a day. I have to unplug it to turn it off." The cops put down their guns. Cop 1 says, "Okay, we're with you. When's it going down?" Dilmom says, "Is tuesday good?"
Wednesday June 02,
1999
Tags kill coworker, employee manual, award for cost saving, evil hr director
Transcript
Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Alice sits in Catbert's office. Catbert says, "Alice, did you kill another co-worker?" Alice says, "Yes." Catbert looks in the Employee Manual and says, "But you did not discriminate, sexually harass, steal or take drugs. hmmmm.." Catbert says, "It looks like I have to give you an award for your cost saving idea." Alice says, "Thank you."

