Kill For Personal Gain Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for kill for personal gain comic strips. Discover the best "Kill For Personal Gain" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #new york, #hunt, #down, #kill, #them, #water cooler, #scared, #political dynamic

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A man says to Dilbert, "Hear about the new guy? He's from NEW YORK." Dilbert gulps and another man yells, "Hear he comes!" Dilbert and the two men run screaming. The new guy stands in front of the water cooler and says, "Well, I suppose I could hunt them down and kill them one by one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #department, #secretary, #personal, #phone, #calls, #traditional, #costume, #countries, #calling, #cultural appropriation

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of the department secretary." The Boss continues, "See if you can get him to cut down on the personal calls." The secretary sits at his desk wearing a sombrero and holding maracas. Dilbert says, ". . . Just be a little more discreet . . . For example, try NOT wearing the traditional costume of the countries you're calling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judicial proceedings, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #lawyer, #jury duty, #kill, #axe, #civic duty

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The defense lawyer says to the jury, "My client has been accused of the most heinous crimes." The attorney points to a man holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney asks, "But does this look like a person who could kill??" Dogbert, who is sitting next to Dilbert, raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shredder, #kill, #coffee, #machine, #broke, #rendering, #inattentive, #acted, #alone

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk wearing shredded clothing. Dilbert says, "The shredder tried to kill me." Dilbert continues, "First, the coffee machine broke, rendering me inattentive . . ." The Boss asks, "What are you suggesting?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think the shredder acted alone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #garbage, #man, #stand, #legal, #kill, #ear, #corntwo, #conditions, #victim, #witch, #poodle

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Dogbert stands in front of the judge's bench and says, "I call my garbage man to the stand, because he knows everything." The garbage man sits in the witness stand and says, "According to the Iowa Corn Treaty of 1837, it is LEGAL to kill a man with an ear of corn under two conditions . . ." The garbage man continues, "One: if the victim is a witch or two: if he owns a poodle." Dogbert says, "For my next witness, I call 'Fifi.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #access, #news, #personal, #computer, #wrong, #paper, #article, #newspaper, #picture

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Dilbert says to Wally, "I just read that in a few years you will be able to access all of the news and information of the world from your personal computer." Dilbert continues, "You probably saw the same article in today's paper." Wally replies, "I don't read a paper." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "What's wrong with this picture?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #eliminating, #simple, #caused, #people, #invisible, #juan, #cindy, #kill, #them, #motivational, #speaking

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Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He says to the audience, "The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is quite simple." Dogbert continues, "All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy." Dogbert continues, "All you have to do is find them and kill them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #minute, #pen, #farewell, #been, #true, #wind, #love, #you, #personal, #relationship, #brenda

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally enters his cubicle and asks, "May I borrow your pen for a minute?" Dilbert says to his pen, "Farewell, little friend. You have always been true. May the wind be at your back. I . . . I . . . Love you . . ." Wally hands the pen back to Dilbert and says, "Uh . . . Could I borrow one which you've had less of a personal relationship with?" Dilbert asks, "How about Brenda?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #nardo, #old country, #personal space, #hands, #pockets

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Uh-oh, Nardo is coming. I'm out of here." Nardo and Dilbert stand nose-to-nose. Dilbert says, "Uh, hi, Nardo." Nardo says, "In the old country we did not have what you call personal space." Dilbert says, "Take your hands out of my pockets." Nardo says, "Oh, I get it. They're for your use only, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #brett, #hydrogen bomb, #kill, #people, #cool, #suggestion

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Dogbert and Brett walk toward each other on the sidewalk. Dogbert says to the little boy, "Hi, Brett. What do you have there?" Brett, who is pulling a wagon with a bomb on it, replies, "Hydrogen bomb!!" Dogbert says, "Be careful. You could kill people with that thing." Brett says, "Really? Cool!" Brett pushes the bomb and says, "That's a great suggestion!" Dogbert walks away saying, "I've done better . . ."