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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole

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Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #headhunter, #stock up, #ceo, #random upturns, #make millions, #changing jobs, #legal, #victims

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Dogbert sits at a desk. He says into the phone, "This is Dogbert the Headhunter. I noticed that your company's stock is up today." Dogbert continues, "As CEO, you can take credit for random upturns and make millions by changing jobs." Dogbert continues, "Ha, ha! Yes, it's legal. In fact, if you write a book, your victims will buy it!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #legal department, #products, #highly defective, #user specification, #ate letter, #hugely defective prodcut

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The Boss: "Our legal department advises us to destroy any documents that show we know our products are hugely defective." "CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP, CHEW, CHEW, GULP." Alice: "Do you have room in there for the user specifications?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #negotiations, #legal liabilities, #revenue, #patents, #public credit, #dig swimming pool, #use spoon

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Negotiations Dilbert: so far we've agreed that my company will take all the expenses and legal liabilities. Dilbert: your company will take all of the revenue, patents and public credit. But where it says I"ll dig you a swimming pool with my bare hands I will not do that. You win! You can use a spoon!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2004's comic on:


Tags #walgetco, #practical purposes, #legal laibilities, #wear orange vests, #headwaurters

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"Sixty-percent of our distribution goes through Walgetco." "For all practical purposes, they now own us, except for the legal liabilities." "They'd like us to wear orange vests and bow toward their headquarters." "But no touching?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #elbonians, #demanding bribes, #overpaid consultants, #legal, #won't get caught

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"The Elbonians are demanding bribes, or else they won't do business with us." "Hire them as overpaid consultants and don't ask them for anything. That way, it's all legal." "And by legal you mean won't get caught?" "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2005's comic on:


Tags #double fees, #management consulting, #outsourcing job, #india, #double fee

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I found a way to double my management consulting fees. "I recommend outsourcing your job to India." "I'll double your fee if you never say that again." WAG!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #stirrup pants, #not professional, #filed patent, #50 million dollars, #earn license fees, #comapny, #various pant crises

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The Boss calls Alice as she is walking by: "Alice!" The Boss tells Alice: "Stirrup pants are not professional attire." Alice explains: "I just filed a patent that will earn fifty million in license fees for the company." The Boss is impressed: "Really? Wow." He continues: "But its no excuse for bad pants." Alice says: "Whatever. Did you sign the budget request I gave you last week?" The Boss answers: "No... I've been busy with various pant-related crises." The stirrup pants are pulled over the Boss's head. He thinks: "Here's another."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #gotcha fees, #airlines, #make moneky, #terrible battery life, #high five

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Dogbert: You need to have more "gotcha" fees. That's how airlines make their money. For example, you could design your product to have a terrible battery life, then sell extra chargers for ten times your cost. CEO: And maybe the chargers could break after two months. Dogbert: High five!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #employees, #violence, #contradcited, #meeting, #fist of death, #robots, #no legal rights, #cardio, #oiled my pan, #business

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Alice: You contradicted me in a meeting today and I didn't appreciate it. I'm no allowed to use my fist of death on humans, but you robots have no legal rights. It's not personal. This is how I get my cardio. Robot: I just oiled my pan.