Military Application Comic Strips - Page 3
71 Results for Military Application
View 21 - 30 results for military application comic strips. Discover the best "Military Application" comics from Dilbert.com.
Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"
The boss: Your warranty doesn't cover a bad attitude, but it does cover water damage. Dont take this personally, I just need to slowly kill you with a forceful jet of water. SLOOSH! Dilbert: Why is the sky full of military drones? The boss: How took it personally.
Coworker says, "We're planning to introduce our new military product with a light show in New York harbor." Coworker says, "Wally, can you handle the weapon demo and the light show?" Wally says, "Sure. What could go wrong?" One week later Dilbert says, "They're calling it 'The Stump of Liberty.'" Wally says, "No one is saying it was a boring show."
The Boss says, "I added my name to your patent application." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "I could have stopped you from working on it, but I didn't. I'm like an artist who understands negative space." The Boss says, "Do you know what negative space is, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm living in it!!!"
"Wally, I can't open that file you e-mailed." "Sounds like you need to upgrade your viewer application." "Which means you'll probably have to upgrade your operating system." "You'd better add some ram while you're at it." "But it probably makes no sense to upgrade your old computer. This is a good time to get a new one." "How do I get a new computer?" "It's easy. I'll send you a file that explains it." "Are you sending corrupted files to people again?" "Only if I think they deserve it."
Asok: "I didn't have time to finish my tasks for this meeting." Wally: "No problem." "If you get cornered, read this powerful anti-meeting spell." "Asok, did you finish the traffic estimates?" Asok: "Um...I was wondering if our new service is Web 2.0 or Web 1.0." "Obviously it's a Web 2.0 application because of the tag-based folksonomies." "No it isn't. All of our technology existed before the Internet bubble." "'When' doesn't matter. It only matters that we use the Web as a platform!" "Everything is a platform!" Asok: "Freaky."
Dogbert: I'll need more than tall pants and traditional looking hair to get elected to president. "I'm hoping to form an unholy alliance with the military industrial complex." "You're willing to attack allies?" Dogbeert: "It's the highest R.O.I."
"Remember to include my name on the patent application." "Why? You didn't help." "That's ridiculous! I've been helping you design that thing for months!" "I saved all three of your e-mails. Allow me to read them." "'Dude, is something wrong with your brain?'" "Later: 'Hey, Dilweed, maybe you should replace the backplane with a gizmo.'" "Then my personal favorite: 'Dilbag, I'm glad you took my advice to leave the backplane alone.'" "That's my way of helping." "It's great. You should patent it."
A woman says into the phone, "I'll get to your application as soon as I have nothing more important to do." Dilbert is on the other end of the line. He says, "Okay.. thank you very much." Dilbert hangs up the phone and thinks, "I just thanked someone for doing nothing." Dilbert enters The Boss' office and says, "My project is being thwarted by a woman who gets satisfaction from being unhelpful." The Boss responds, "Have you tried using your charm?" Dilbert says, "I guess I can try." The Boss replies, "Ha ha ha! Just kidding." The Boss says, "But seriously, try hounding her until she recoils in pain at the sound of your voice." Dilbert asks, "Will that work?" The Boss replies, "Sometimes the best you can do is make other people feel bad."
CEO: I bought a dolphin for my daughter's birthday party. But it turned out to be a retired Russian military dolphin. It dragged one of the birthday clowns into the pool and drowned him. Dilbert: I though dolphins need to live in seawater. CEO: Maybe that's why it's so angry.