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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2000's comic on:


Tags #not nine, #start at 8am, #ten minutes early, #work start, #late, #tardy, #hour late

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Wally says to the Boss, "I was so motivated by your pep talk yesterday that I came to work ten minutes early!" The Boss replies, "Wally, we start at eight, not at nine." Wally responds, "That's gonna cost you ten minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #staff meetings, #late for meetings, #ten minutes, #stupid stuff, #fine work, #noticing

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #minutes, #meeting, #read minutes, #irrelevant things said, #men are idiots, #bad descions, #implied, #business

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In a meeting, The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, would you read the minutes from our last meeting?" Alice reads, "People said irrelevant things. Bad decisions were made. Men are idiots." The Boss responds, "I don't remember that last part." Alice says, "It was implied." Wally is asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #starts ten minutes, #loose ends, #reporter, #designed computer, #recycled paper

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Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. He thinks, "My vacation starts in ten minutes." Dilbert continues to think, "I tied up all of my loose ends. I only need to walk out the door." The Boss approaches and tells Dilbert, "I told a reporter that we designed a computer made entirely of recycled paper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2002's comic on:


Tags #emergency meeting, #five minutes, #warm and cozy, #cubicle paradise, #sound of not caring

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Carol enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "There's an emergency strategy meeting in five minutes." Dilbert responds, "I was all warm and cozy in my cubicle paradise. Why must you ruin it?" Carol puts her hand up to her ear and asks, "Can you hear the sound of me not caring?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #alice, #cell phone, #every two minutes, #flushable, #owner wonders where, #technology

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Alice is sitting in her cubicle. On the other side of the wall, a cell phone makes the noises, "Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-a-beep." Alice thinks, "Every two minutes." Alice looks into the next cubicle and and clenches her teeth at the cell phone lying there. A coworker approaches Alice and asks, "Have you seen my cell phone?" Alice responds, "Was it metallic, noisy and flushable?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #leave early, #five minutes, #good not great

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Boss: You did good work this week. I give you permission to leave early today. Dilbert: It's five minutes before my normal quitting time. Boss: Your work was good, not great. Get over yourself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2008's comic on:


Tags #five year plan, #five minutes, #office, #room, #conference room

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The Boss: My new five-year plan looks like this. Plan Dilbert: How can you have a five-year plan when you don't know what will happen in five minutes? Ted: We have this room now. The Boss: Bad timing, Shoo! Shoo!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #certified massage therapist, #clicking, #every week, #few minutes, #lengthy questionarie, #one hand, #pen pal, #used pen

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Certified Massage Therapist "Fill out this lengthy medical questionnaire." "That'll save me a few minutes of touching him." "I wonder if he'd know if I only used one hand." "Actually, how would he even know if it's a hand?" "Maybe I have an object here that feels like a hand." "This ballpoint pen will work." "I'm finding some tension here. Okay, it's gone now." "She says I should come back every week until my muscles stop clicking." "Sounds like you found a pen pal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #audit, #150 million, #software system, #scrap entire thing, #worthless, #norma software system, #clever combo, #tweak it, #sell the zeros, #few minutes

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Dogbert: "I completed the audit of your new $150 million software system." "I recommend that you scrap the entire thing." "What?!! How could the entire thing be worthless?" "Well, your normal software system would be a clever combination of ones and zeros." "Yours is all ones." "There must be some way to tweak it until it works." "My company can sell you all the zeros you need. But you'll have to arrange them yorself." "Whe you have a few minutes, I have a little assignment for you."