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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new finance guy, #hate automatically, #justify photocopy, #business case, #make copies, #pinch pennies, #natural

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The Boss: Ray's our new finance guy. He's got a face that makes you hate him automatically. Dilbert: You're right, Im already heating I'm. The Boss: wait until he opens his mouth! Ray: From now on I want a business case to justify all of your photocopying. The Boss: is he a natural or what?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new name for group, #engineering science research, #designed business cards, #long name, #complicated

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I came up with a new name for our group." The Boss continues, "From now on we're the 'Engineering Science Research Technology Systems Information Quality and Excellence Center.'" Wally says, "You should throw 'efficiency' in there too." The Boss holds up a long piece of paper and says, "I designed the business cards myself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #laptop in case, #anything lighter, #delete files, #technically

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The Boss carries a laptop in a case. He says to Wally, "This laptop computer weighs too much. Do we have anything lighter?" Wally asks, "Why don't you just delete files to lower the weight on that one?" As he works on the laptop the Boss says, "That's a thought." Wally says, "Technically, I only asked why not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #improve career, #ceo, #refer first name, #recent meeting, #rule, #iron fist, #funny dog

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Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert says, "Try this little trick to improve your career . . ." Dogbert continues, "Anytime you want something your way, simply refer to your CEO by his first name and say he gave you directions during your very recent meeting." Dogbert continues, "It's totally unverifiable. People will fear you and do as you say. You'll rule with an iron fist!" Dilbert responds, "You're a funny little dog."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sign, #business case, #web server, #crosses all deaportments, #every director, #evp, #ted griffin, #half eagle, #half lion

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Who needs to sign my business case to buy a web server?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . This crosses all departments. I fear it. Get the approval of every director, every VP, every EVP, plus Griffin." As Dilbert walks away he asks, "Do you mean Ted Griffin in finance or the mythical griffin beast that's half eagle, half lion?" The Boss answers, "Whichever is harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #need approval, #business case, #wedge, #claim, #feel prodcutive, #when doomed

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Dilbert approaches an office door with paper spilling out of it. Dilbert says to Tom who is trapped in the stack of paper, "I need your approval on my business case, Tom." As he inserts his document into the stack, Dilbert says, "I'll wedge it in here so you can claim you never saw it when I ask about it next week." From underneath the pile Tom says, "Thanks." Dilbert walks away humming and thinking, "The weird part is that I can feel productive even when I'm doomed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #business case, #various mangers, #being misplaced, #kill for personal gain, #buried, #not cremeated, #lasting impression, #earth, #mail corpse

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Dilbert arrives at home and says to Dogbert, "Today I distributed 36 copies of my business case to various managers for approval." Dilbert sits on the armrest of the couch and continues, "By my count, 20 are being misplaced, 6 managers will try to kill it for personal gain and 10 will come back with irrelevant questions." Dilbert says, "When I die I want to be buried, not cremated, so I can at least make ONE lasting impression on the earth." Dogbert says, "I was planning to mail your corpse to somebody I don't like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #revoke angel status, #bad name, #healing, #ugly people look attractive, #too late, #old look, #beautiful

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Dogbert sits at a desk. A voice from heaven says, "We've decided to revoke your angel status. You're giving us all a bad name." Dogbert says, "Your problem is that you define 'healing' too narrowly. I'm making ugly people look attractive, and that's important, too." Wally approaches Dogbert's desk. Wally's head has been replaced with Dogbert's head. He asks Dogbert, "Is it too late to go back to my old look?" Dogbert replies, "Why? You're beautiful!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #underpants, #bought, #house, #capitalism, #dinosaur, #case, #case studies, #idiot, #computers

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The caption says, "Dilbert special! Bob the Dinosaur will rip the underpants off guys we hate!" Bob pulls the underwear off a man. The caption says, "Case #1." A man smoking a pipe and wearing a turtleneck says, ". . . Bought my first house for 75 cents. Sold it a year later for 400,000 dollars . . ." The man screams as Bob pulls his underwear off. Bob says, "Now he drives a 'Beemer.'" The caption says, "Case #2." A man says, "It's a great movie. You'll be surprised when you find out the parakeet is the murderer." The man screams as Bob pulls off his boxer shorts. Bob says, "I love surprises!" The caption says, "Case #3." A car salesman says, "Wait here and I'll try to convince my boss to sell the car at your price." The man screams when Bob pulls off his underwear. Bob says, "He's on your side!" The caption says, "Finally . . ." Dilbert says, "Only an idiot would thing computers are confusing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #arms, #Dogbert, #weights, #lifting, #automatically, #muscles, #stick, #latin, #name, #armpits, #straight, #time, #good

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Dilbert holds his arms away from his body. He asks Dogbert, "Notice anything different?" Dogbert replies, "You're holding your arms out like this." Dilbert replies, "I've been lifting weights!" Dilbert continues, "My arms do this automatically because of the muscles." Dogbert asks, "What muscles would make your arms stick out?" Dilbert replies, "Obviously, it's some sort of armpit muscle. I don't know the Latin name." Dilbert puts his arms over his head and says, "I'm going to keep at it until I have huge armpits and I have to keep my arms straight up all the time." Dogbert asks, "Why are you doing this?" Dilbert replies, "I just want to look good."